Here It Comes. There It Goes.

Here I go again. I can't ever be happy with what I have.
Here's a rundown of my past two years:
I lived with my parents, was attending university, wasn't dating, and working very part time. I hated it.
I moved out with my friend from work, started working full time, started partying a lot and quit school. I loved it...for a year.
I was so depressed trying to pay my bills and trying to find someone to love, I LITERALLY did not leave my room apart from work. Alcohol. So much alcohol was stashed in my room to deal with the imaginary pain of being an adult.
Then, I met him. My one. THE ONE, or so I'd like to think. I've never felt this way about anyone before. I felt COMMITTED. That's a new word for me. Cassi doesn't commit. Cassi is a party girl. Cassi sleeps around. Cassi is a cool girl. Cassi likes to lure them in, and break their hearts, and that's what Cassi is good at. Anyway...
Now, I am back living with my parents, working full time, and dating this amazing guy, my one, and I'm still NOT happy. Why am I not happy? I am young, I am in love, I am making pretty decent money, and I still HATE everything about my life. I feel so unstable in my emotions. I want to run away, I want to quit my job, I want to break this man's heart, and all for no reason.
I am restless. I feel so restless and anxious. My spirit could burst right out of my skin if I let it.
Maybe it's because I haven't been writing. Maybe it's because I haven't painted anything in 3 years. Maybe I'm just a caged bird.
I'm so lucky to love this man. I'm so lucky to be alive. I am so lucky to have a job. I am so lucky to have my mother down the hall from me. I am so lucky, and ungrateful.

Song- Wait-M83