Hey You! Want to Read a Blog About Grieving and Death? Click Here!

Since I will never meet you, and since you don't know me, it seems appropriate that I open up all of my feelings on here for you to read. If anyone is even reading this. I don't really give a fuck.
I used to use this website back in my prime, or middle school. I would write stupid stories and put them on here and I would blog on occasion.

I'm just getting extremely tired of writing in my bird themed diary (my friends mom gave it to me. It is equipped with inspiration sayings and all!) because although it's nice to get your thoughts down, nobody reads them. Nobody has a chance of stumbling across it. However, now that I've come back here, maybe someone will read it. I came back on this website to talk about the topic nobody wants to talk about with me. Death.

My mother died 4 months ago. I found her dead when I came home from school. My therapist doesn't seem to think I'm properly grieving. She thinks I distract myself too much and that I need time to process the loss properly.

To be honest, I don't want to 'process the loss'. I want to pretend like it never happened. But it's kind of hard to pretend like it never happened when the evidence that it happened is everywhere. My mind is constantly fogged with flashbacks that it's hard to focus.

To be honest, I hate being sad. Contrary to this blog post, I actually like doing fun things and experiencing the happy side of life. Sitting around and thinking about a tragedy so I can properly process it? Nah, I'm good.

I do miss her. Whenever an image slides into my brain, I immediately pick up my phone and play some hardcore rounds of solitaire and then take two naps a day. Is that considered not grieving? Probably. But sometimes I don't even feel sad. I just don't feel anything. It's all kind of foggy in my brain.

Welcome to my blog posts, where you will either get depressing shit (like what I just wrote) or something completely random and hilarious (hopefully in the future). I write what I feel. This is my new internet diary, since my bird themed one is getting boring.

Deuces,
Anne