A Rant About Boys. (A Bit of Language Throughout)

*An explanation. This is pretty much going to be a stream of consciousness, so I apologize if I jump from item to item. I need to get this out.*

Okay, the title was a lie. This isn't about boys.

This is about a single guy. Keyword: single.

Long story very, very short. Over spring break, I meet a guy in another country. We click, we hang out for hours upon hours two days in a row. I head home, we stay in touch, three months later I'm back in the same country and we hang out again, this time for even longer.

We're flirting, we're joking around, we kiss (a lot, but that is another thing). We end up walking around and talking, when we start talking about living life. One thing leads to another, and he mentions that he's not interested in dating. Which isn't a big deal, since I'm not either. Not really. I mean, I really, really like this guy, but I also know that long distance is incredibly tough, and I'm more focused on myself than anyone else right now, and it wouldn't be fair to either of us.

Here's the kicker, though. He then said that should either of us get into a relationship, we agree to break up with the significant other before we see each other again.

What. The. Fuck?

I mean, hey, I am all for making out with you, my friend, but I'm not sure how to take that. Because after, I told him that me dating someone between now and the next time I see him is slim (considering it'll be around December?), and he said the same. And then gave me this smirk.

AND ON TOP OF THAT he's all holding my hand and refusing to look me in the eyes every time that he mentions me coming back. He would just kinda give me this shy smile and ask, as though he was embarrassed to ask me? I don't know.

And now we're mostly radio silence. It's not like, a bad thing. Occasionally we talk over Facebook, but it's not much. And it's the same as last time, so I don't know why it sucks so much this time. It's like we're on this silently agreed upon mutual pause, but it's still rough. When we talk, it's fine, but I just wish that he'd initiate more of it, or that I would just get something. Anything.

I don't know.

All I know is that he's cute and has an accent and has this smile that makes his eyes kinda crinkle a little and that when he realizes that I'm making fun of him, the look of indignation on his face is absolutely incredible. And that it felt like we'd been friends forever after having only spoken for fifteen minutes. And that even though I hate it when people touch me, I was instantly comfortable with him.

And that has never happened.

Ever.

He makes me feel like I'm home. He is home.