Take off Your Colours

“We call it time well spent but I've been lying and you’re going to hate me.”

I spent seven years in one relationship. I gave him everything I had – all my love, dreams, hopes. Sailing wasn't smooth and we fared the seas as best we could. Two months ago he put us on a break, the waters being too much for us to handle. There was no communication whatsoever. For the first time as an adult I was on my own. In that time I realized that although I love him I was no longer in love with him. I could no longer promise the American dream of a house, car, 2.5 kids, and a dog. He came back, ready to make amends. “I want to mold together,” he said. “I love you and need you,” he said. I debated going back to him; maybe I could fall back in love. However, I had to be truthful. I had to break his heart. I had to tell him that I couldn't say yes to the white picket fence. Now here I stand, in the wake of all the pain I've created, and yet for the first time in a long time I feel like I am being honest with myself and finally following my heart. This road will not be easy. He is all I have known since I was fifteen. It is my time to discover who I am on my own and figure out what I truly want out of life. This is my time, but I’m sorry that I had to break a heart to get it.