Life, Etc.

Okay, sooooo I start school on Monday. I know that everyone else started this week, but hey, junior college.

So, this semester I'm taking Bio (with the lab), Human Development, Federal Government, and College Algebra, almost all of which I have tried taking before and dropped due to my handy-dandy depressive episode. I'm pretty stoked, though. I haven't taken Biology in a long time. I'm really looking forward to it. Not excited about math, but I know a lot of people who can help me.

I just really need to get my shit together. Like, if I can't do it this time, I'm gonna have to find a different "life path" or whatever.

I'm still working and I actually recently got really close with one of the servers. She stayed with me for a week after her dad kicked her out for failing a drug test and really just didn't have anywhere else to go. So for a week, if we weren't at work, we were always together and she actually didn't annoy me which is sort of unheard of and now she's like my best friend at home now, sooo. It's just a little complicated sometimes because she's openly pansexual with a preference for women and everyone at work already thinks we're dating and tease us and stuff. It doesn't bother me, but the other night when we were driving around we both finally owned up to the fact that if we were in better places in our lives then we would probably get together. Cause she is really cool and even though she's a year younger than me she, like, knows stuff which is always a weird turn on.

But yeah. She's homeless and I'm still recovering (and sleeping with out boss) and it would just not work out right now. We are thinking about getting an apartment, though. She obviously needs a home and I just want to move out since my brother moved back in. I'm just ready to leave.

So yeah.

And as I mentioned up there, yes, I am still fooling around with J and I still feel no remorse. Right now. I know that I'll be so mad at myself later, but still. Right now, it's awesome. Like... oh my god, it's great. And work is still fine. If anything, we put a reasonable distance between us, but not like too much. We don't mention anything but every once in a while he'll do something at work that just... Like the other day, I was cleaning and I was squatting, like, on my knees, and he walked up and just put a hand on the crown of my head and tugged my hair a little bit

like I KNOW IT'S SO MESSED UP BUT I WAS IN A TIZZY FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT. He really is gonna get himself in trouble if he doesn't watch out, though. He went drinking with Gabby and some other servers/an ex server and apparently they had a blast I wasn't invited and haven't said anything but I'll admit that I'm still a little peeved but whatever. I'm just doing my best to stay passive, to not make anything complicated and keep feelings out of it.

And on that front, I'm awesome. I have zero romantic feelings for him.

But fuck am I territorial.

There is not one part of me that wants to like go out on the town with him but there is a part of me that seethes when I watch him flirt with the other girls.

And I need to get over that 'cause he flirts.

A lot.

Why do you think I'm sleeping with him in the first place?

So we got four new hostesses and one of them is all cute and bubbly with a big ol' smile and she's all tiny and ugh. It makes me kind of sick. She's never done anything wrong to me, but hey, I'm a girl. I'm always comparing myself to the others.

Anyway, she really likes being all cutesy with him and honestly I've just walked away from it a couple times. She flirts with literally everyone, me included. I mean, she's just a touchy, happy person. But it still irritates me because I'm petty.

Things are just weird. I figure once I start caring too much, I'll break things off. Hopefully. I don't want this getting anymore fucked up than it already is. Also, I don't want to actually lose my job cause things have been pretty cool since my GM started to finally recognize that I know what I'm doing up there better than everyone else. Like, thank you.

Um um um, what else? I haven't really been writing very much except for the new drabble, which I'm sure you'll see is pretty much based off my life right now. It's also way more honest and graphic than any of these blogs so yeah.

Hope everyone here is having a good time in school and stuff.