Eclipsed

It's like watching your life through a one-way mirror. You can see them, but they have no idea that you're there. It's like being a ghost.
It has been impossible to make plans lately. My ex seems to have monopolized all of our mutual friends leaving me to fend for myself. The guy I started seeing can't seem to make time for me, and today marks one year since I lost my best friend by trying to get more than friendship. I've watched the pieces settle around me. I've watched everyone move on and achieve stability while I just stay crumbling in the middle of it all.
I've been a serial monogamist for the last five years. I have these long, passionate relationships that are like being on drugs. The high is phenomenal, but the low breaks me. For me, being with someone is like breathing. I need to care for someone and know that they care for me. I need stability. Right now the relationship I'm in makes me happier than I've ever been, but also sadder than I've ever felt. We're complete parallels of one another: similar, but not intersecting. We're overworked, underpaid, overeducated, exhausted, and devoted. We both love with more intensity than is imaginable, but we devote ourselves not only to one another but to school and work. Devotion takes all our strength. And leaves us feeling empty. We comfort one another with the limited energy we have, but its hardly enough. I'm watching my life through a window. Its happening, its changing, but I have no idea how and I'm not really living it.