1) Blog about a subject or topic that’s important to you. 2) Reflection time: how did you feel about this challenge? Did you learn anything about yourself?
It's officially the last day of September, which means this is the last blog of the month! Of course, this also means I need to wrap up this month's challenge, so I decided to focus on these two prompts.
First, one of the most important things to me is self-image, specifically body image. Having a particularly negative body image led me to having an equally negative self-image. This was something that I struggled with for years on my own, and it's something that I still battle to this day.
Just last semester I hit a milestone with my weight, coming in at 103 lbs, which was a massive improvement from when I started college at 90 lbs. I've been fairly underweight for years (which is probably why I still have the body of a prepubescent boy lol), and I know it's bad and potentially harmful to my health, but even now it's such a struggle to let myself put on weight. I'm fairly certain I've dropped back down to a solid 95, but it honestly sickens me to imagine myself at a heavier weight. I remember anytime I felt myself getting anywhere near a particular weight, I would stop eating just to maintain my weight or drop some weight.
Honestly, I know that I'm not at an ideal weight for my height and age, which is great in itself because I never used to acknowledge this fact, but it's still just hard for me to even remember to eat some days. It became such a habit for me to skip meals that if I don't remind myself or have my parents remind me, I could go the whole day without eating or drinking a single thing. When I do eat daily, I know I should feel proud, and I do, but there's also that nagging voice inside telling me that I'm gonna gain x amount of weight or how disgusting I'll look after my meal, and that haunts me. I know I need to take care of myself, but it's not as easy as it should be.
This is such a touchy issue for me that I hate it when I hear anybody joking about it or scoffing at it. I don't really having anything inspirational to say about this because I'm still struggling through this, but if you guys have any words of wisdom, please share them with me!
Second, I found this little challenge fun and was glad to have a reason to blog more often. I always want to blog consistently, but I never have anything interesting or I'm not very eloquent with my thoughts, so I just never bother. Thankfully, this challenge gave me the chance to force myself to talk. It also gave me a chance to read what other people had to say about different topics and even talk to some people through their blogs! I had a great time learning about other Mibbians and getting to interact with them too!
As for myself, I don't think I really learned anything other than reinforcing the fact that I find it really hard to talk about myself. Even with blog prompts, I found it strangely difficult to share stuff. It might be the fact that I don't typically share about myself anyway (seriously, not even to my friends or family, really. My friends only learned two weeks ago that I had been in a car accident three years ago). This challenge pushed me out of my comfort zone and forced me to talk about myself, which was an interesting feeling. Overall, I think this month's challenge was a success!
Thanks for sticking with me this month!
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