For All the Hearts That I've Broken & That Have Broken Me

There are 7 musings for each failed relationship I've ever had. Pure and honest.

A.
1. You acted like a nice guy, you carried my grandma’s groceries into the house when it was ninety-five degrees out, and you impressed my uncle but you were really just being slimy.
2. You act like everything falling apart was my fault but you were the one who fell off the face of the planet. There were three thousand miles of ocean between us. An email every three days wasn't asking for a lot.
3. I asked you to fight for me and instead you shut me out.
4. You were my best friend. Vacating the position as the person who has the privilege of seeing me naked doesn't mean you vacate the position of best friend. I still needed you and you disappeared.
5. You threw away twelve years of friendship because I asked for a Skype call twice a week. I was even willing to sit in the car freezing on my lunch break to cater to your schedule.
6. You loved me for six years and when you finally got up the courage to tell me our lives were going in different directions and you asked me to marry you and I almost said yes. I almost gave up my ambitions to marry you.
7. I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with you and you took everything I had away.

E.
1. You were right: I’m a bitch.
2. You were exactly what I needed when I was seventeen and the world was collapsing around me and I needed someone to hold me at two in the morning and help me decide where to go to college. When you bought me a ring things started to feel weird.
3. Some of the best memories I have are with you. On and off for four years gives me a lot to love and a lot to hate.
4. I still remember all of the hurt. And how you told me I didn’t know what I was talking about the first time I told you I loved you. That hurt never left.
5. I still sleep in your t-shirts and I still cuddle with the stuffed bear you got me for Valentine’s Day when I’m tired and lonely and he won't answer my texts and he's too busy for me.
6. I still think about texting you when I’m drunk. I even draft messages and toy with the idea of hitting send but I realize that I shouldn’t derail your life because I’m upset.
7. I cheated on you. I got back together with you knowing I wanted to be with someone else. Even if we hadn’t done anything, I still cheated.

S.
1. There are two of you who I refer to as S, but you’re basically the same person so you only qualify for one section. You both went to top tier universities, you both studied mechanical engineering, you were both foreign, and you both pissed me off. One of you broke my heart; I broke the other. Now one of you is gay and the other lives a life swearing off love all the way across the world.
2. It was a game. A game played first in middle school hallways and high school science labs, and then in the middle of the night in my office when I was exhausted and drinking cheap wine under my desk because going to bed seemed pointless when I had to be back in the office in four hours.
3. You left. One of you left New York for Massachusetts and the other left Massachusetts for California, but you both left. It was a relief. I was glad to see you go.
4. You’re the reason I cried in my bed and drank and ate too much chocolate and watched sappy movies. I thought I loved you, but I was over it in a week.
5. Your accent was the most attractive thing about you and the whirlwind romance we had was like a fiction novel that I will pull from the recesses of my memory and read when I need excitement. I will talk about you over martinis with the girls and recount everything in a sun kissed glow.
6. You never stood a chance.
7. I’m still glad it happened.