1. I'm the kind of girl who likes to have fun. I think dancing is best done at 6:30 AM in my underwear to "Some Kind of Wonderful" after I've done about 100 sit-ups on the living room floor. I'm the kind of girl who is always down to go shot for shot with the boys or go on a spontaneous adventure at two in the morning.
2. I'm also a bookworm, so don't forget to look past the party girl facade that appears on Friday night. I may lack in the pop culture references, but I can quote the classics for you.
3. I'm a math teacher so calculations done without using π to at least five decimal places make me irate. I'm also a bit of a perfectionist and I prefer the most precise answer. Significant figures and rounding in chemistry make me twitch a little bit. And I speak Greek, so know that its really "p" and not "pie."
4. I seem tough, but I'm really not. I've been hurt too many times, so I've gotten really good at acting like I have the emotional capacity of a brick wall, but that's really not true. Ignoring my texts makes me sad, and harsh tones make me cry when I've had a bad day.
5. I'm independent. I've had to fend for myself since I was seventeen, so when a guy tries to pay on a date, I feel uncomfortable. At least let me leave the tip. I feel like a thief if I'm not paying for my food.
6. There's a ninety percent chance that I will end up a crazy cat lady. I show people pictures of my kitten like most people show pictures of their children. She is my pride and joy and I will never get past the cuteness that is her squeaking for me to pet her when I get home from work.
7. I move too fast in relationships. Or, rather, I find myself in relationships too soon. Netflix and chill is actually an amazing thing, and if I had kept my current relationship in that phase a little longer I might be happier. Its this state of moderate commitment where you just establish this code for fucking. It's so much nicer to get a text that says "Netflix and chill?" than "are you dtf?" And Netflix and chill is acceptable at any hour of the day. A modern booty call.
8. Some weeks I'm fine to go three days straight on three hours sleep, coffee, yogurt and pretzels. Some weeks pulling myself out of bed is a struggle and no amount of coffee helps.
9. I have bipolar II and OCD. I go through waves of hypomania and dysphoria, and I'm an anxious disaster and a control freak. The dysphoria is more like depression in the winter though. It becomes crippling and I miss school and work. When I was fifteen I was almost anorexic. I ate less than 400 calories a day, I went to the gym, and I did ballet for three hours everyday. I used to cut myself to make the sorrow and the negative thoughts go away.
10. Coffee is my saving grace. Without coffee I would be the crazy math teacher that no one liked. I'm scary on the mornings I don't have at least one cup before work.
11. I grew up with a mom who has OCD, and knows it but refused to get help. I grew up with an alcoholic father who didn't think he had a problem. He may also be bipolar, but I could never figure out if the mood swings were their own thing or just part of the drinking.
12. I have an older sister who I hated until recently when I realized I was exactly like her. I always thought she was careless and reckless, and she used to be. Lately she's grown up and she's started to act in the crazy disciplined way I did at sixteen.
13. In high school I was not fun. I did not have fun. I tutored, babysat, took a full schedule of APs, and was on the board for four separate clubs. I didn't sleep for four years. College was the same way. I worked a full-time and a part-time job while taking 20-credit semesters. I graduated in three years and I still didn't know what I wanted to do with my life.
14. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed and I realize that more and more each day. When I was seventeen the uncle who had a big part in raising me died tragically in a car accident. He missed my high school graduation, he missed the chance to meet his first grandchild, and he missed his two youngest children getting married.
15. I've decided to embrace each and every day. I will schedule my life into thirty minute sections from here until the next century if I need to in order to get by. I won't let anxiety get to me. I have to live my life now, because I'm not going to be someone who gets to live to be 100. It isn't being cynical, its being realistic. I'm a type one diabetic and I can live a long life, but I'm not going to be 100.
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