I feel like all I ever talk about anymore is college. I mean, it is a big part of a person's life so I shouldn't feel so bad about it. I realize that those around me have equally and even more important things going on, but I just feel so stressed and so stuck on school that I can't begin to care about what they're dealing with.
It's kinda like writing. I have an idea for a story that I'm really excited about. It's the first random story idea that I've come up with in a long time. And do you know what sucks? I can't write it. See lately I've been slacking with school because I have no energy or desire. I'm feeling exhausted and burned out. But since I can't bring myself to do any school work, I will not allow myself to do any writing for fun either.
I don't know where we are semester-wise, but I'm just waiting for it to end. I'm not sure I'm mentally capable of going to a four year school if I can't even get myself through a community college.
Words of wisdom would help. Or maybe someone good at Anatomy and Chemistry.
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Fall.
Everyone has pretty much posted a blog about the season change already. So I figured I might as well throw in my two cents as well.
I love Fall. It's my favorite time of the year. I get sick in the heat from summer and though I love how pretty the winter is, my circulation is terrible and I'm pretty much completely numb for months straight. Now I'm pretty much your "basic white girl" because I love UGGs and pumpkin spice flavored everything. I hear about this all the time from my boyfriend because he calls my cheap knockoff UGGs 'ugly moonboots' and every time he takes me to starbucks he makes a comment about me being a white girl.
But Fall trends aren't really even the best part. Being able to step outside of my house and not have sweat instantly pour down my face is a beautiful thing to me. And as lame as I may be for this, I love the sound of crunching leaves. I like the fact that I need a sweatshirt at night and sometimes during the day as well.
Of course I do live in Iowa(the bowels of the United States) and for some reason the weather was well into the 80's so I'm not even considering it Fall yet. But I'm waiting for it!
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And lastly, this part is going to be kind of weird because I don't know how to word it.
Yesterday, my boyfriend and I were talking about getting engaged. Which is fine. I think most couples do this at some point before they actually get engaged because you have to make sure you're on the same page. And technically we've talked about it before and both agreed that eventually that's where our relationship was headed.
The thing that I'm not sure is normal is...
he told me when he wants to do it. Which is fine for me because surprises bring out the worst in me. They make a little bundle of anxiety and I usually react in the exact opposite way.
But he told me when he wants to (around Christmas because that my favorite holiday and the time of the year I'm actually the most happy) and he even showed me two of the rings he was thinking about.
Now either way we're going to end up engaged, I'm sure. But is it normal for me to be this involved? I think he tells me all this because I'm such a spaz about surprises and other such things. He's learned to deal with my mental illness and even my weird physical one that I don't care to talk about. He loves me on the days I'm being mean as hell and on the days where I just want to hug everyone and spew inspirational quotes. So I know that everything he does is based on me and how I feel about things.
My concern?
What if me knowing all this is unusual?
What if he would like for things to be normal, but knows he can't because of how I am?
The kid proposes to me as a joke every other week, what if I think it's a joke and say no? (This actually happened before and afterward he convinced me he was really trying to propose and I freaked out and was super upset and then he told me he was actually kidding.)
Like there's so much to worry about...
A side note: Every "forever" couple I know has broken up within the last few months. It makes me paranoid that real relationships and love don't actually work out anymore.
*Sorry this was so jumbled. I'm lost today(and every day).
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