Update!

Can also be titled: Update! Sex, Love, & More

Okay. Kinda dramatic, but yeah.

I can't believe it's been like 19 days since I've done something on this site. I check in...pretty often. Yeah. At least like once or twice a day.

But college is just...a lot. Lol like I always have something impending. Always a paper, always an assignment, always a test. There isn't a moment to breathe. If I am breathing/going out...know I'm full heartedly am ignoring something lol.

Like right now I got a women's test to study for THEN a nutrition one but hey...YOLO!

Um, I feel like for the past week or so a lot has been focused around me and my sexuality. Mainly my virginity.

Yeah. I'm a virgin.

And I legit had a guy tell me this past Saturday that "It's college. Everyone is gonna do something." He didn't mean it in like any type of way (I don't even think he's remotely attracted to me or sees me in any type of way) but it kinda was like the bow to tie the present that is my virginity.

Like, I kinda have a feeling I'm gonna lose it soon.

Idk. Just these little things. Like I was debating on buying condoms, this boy I've been talking to (platonic on my end, we're in an a capella group together. all in all, me talking to a boy. what?!?) is trying to push these sexual questions on me, my mother even has been asking me about my sexuality and stuff saying "oh we have to be open!!"

And I'm just like ??? is the universe trying to tell me something? lol

Maybe I'm being my overly analytical self, but I feel like something is gonna happen and/or come my way.

Which is weird since I don't see myself losing my virginity ANYTIME soon. I don't feel pressured or a type of way about it either. I have it. Right now I would like to keep it and I probably will because the only way I see myself losing my virginity is me getting into a relationship.

Which isn't happening cause I'm picky and ugly AF. Plus I'm a pansexual demiromantic with radical feminist views and ultra liberal which to (general) college boys is just like "...whut?"

With that, another thing I'm noticing in college, no one really dates. Like, I want the "traditional" way of going about things. Like I wanna be someone's friend. I wanna get asked out. I wanna be hyped up for a date and be blushing rushing around to finish getting ready in my dorm as they pull through with fucking flowers and take me to dinner.

But that's just not happening which kinda goes to the big question of "Why the fuck is the universe and I so worried about my vagina when nothing is gonna happen?"

Like..I'm probably gonna become a spinster y'all.

Yeah. I'm calling it.

At least now I'm not completely inexperienced. I've been kissing boys now. Never sober. I should stop for many reasons, but for some reason, I can't. I'm now kissing about 2 boys a night so that's like...5 boys I've kissed thus far.

Idk what it is but when I'm drunk...I physically want to be all over a boy. Which is bad cause these boys...just don't do it. The kisses are wet and sloppy and all over the place and there's...nothing.

I FEEL NOTHING, BUT I KEEP DOING IT.

WHY,DRUNK ME, WHY?!?

I'm gonna stop. Maybe I should just stop partying in general.

Idk.

This blog probably makes no sense lol.

In summary, I'm alive. I'm pretty okay. I'm doing pretty good in college academic wise. I wanna take a vacation, but we have no off days until thanksgiving so LOL (we didn't even have today off) annnd...I wish I was writing. I really want to write. But it's a time and energy thing. Which I don't really have much of either.

So, yeah. Comments, Questions, and Concerns welcomed lol.

Stay blessed.

Bye. <3