In all the craziness that has been my life lately, I kind of decided to say fuck everything and go on a road trip. I know it sounds bad, but I had already had these plans and rearranged my schedule to go, and then the plans fell through, so I decided to revive them. My life was crumbling to pieces and I needed to get out of my hometown for a little while.
In the last week and a half my life has pretty much shattered. I was informed last week that I cannot register for spring classes because I can't get approved for a student loan to pay my tuition for this semester. That was fine because I was thinking about applying to grad school to start in the spring, so I don't need to register for any postbacc classes anyway. But that also means I have to come up with the money to pay for applications, and right now my checking account is in the red. I know. Boston sounded like a really bad idea.
I had plans to go to Boston with my friend L for a screening for a clinical trial. We were going to stay with my friend B, but he bailed last minute. L was super into making this trip happen, so I booked the hotel that we had talked about staying in and then she freaked out crazy ex-girlfriend style and bailed. So now I'm left with a hotel reservation that its too late to cancel, a day off from work, and a ton of stress. I just broke up with J, I did awful on my midterms, I'm financially fucked, and I needed to get away. I asked my friend S to go with me and she jumped at the opportunity so we drove up Wednesday night, spent the day, and came home last night. Unfortunately, I lost forty bucks cash while I was up there, and I forgot I made my car payment early this month in case I didn't get paid on time. Now I thought my car payment had already processed before I booked the hotel, so financially I should have been fine. NO. My car payment just processed, all of my student loans that I'm paying hit, and now I'm in the red. Significantly. And I'm freaking out.
Most of my posts are thoughtful and well written, but this, this is just my head exploding. I can't afford anything right now. I need another job, but there isn't any time, and if I drop out of school for the semester I'll still be stuck paying. I have absolutely no idea what to do, and all I want to do is talk to J and get a hug, but that will never happen. I feel like everything is crumbling around me, and I should have just stayed in Boston and never come back to New York.
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