Grandmother

I can remember that night perfectly as though it were last night instead of eleven years ago. I never thought that the next I’d be seeing her she’d be laying in a coffin. I’ll never forget her looking at me with those blue eyes. I can’t imagine the pain in them as I turned my back to her and walked out of the room. I swear had I known I’d never see her again, I would have said goodbye. All the other times I seen her in the hospital or nursing home, I’d always give her a hug before I left. Who knew the one time I didn’t was when she would die? I keep wondering if I had stayed in the room longer, would it have made a difference? I remember my Aunt telling my dad that my grandmother said she’d seen my grandfather who at the time had been dead for two years. I hope that’s true, that way she wouldn’t have died alone. I keep apologizing to her, but knowing she’ll never be able to forgive me breaks my heart. I have many regrets but not saying goodbye will always be the biggest. I know I need to forgive myself, there was nothing I nor anybody else could have done to save her. As my dad said, she died of a broken heart. Truth is, I’ll never forgive myself fully. The guilt of not saying goodbye will always be with me like a weight on my heart.