Today, Next Week, 2016

So today was good, albeit its only 1pm... Ive had a busy morning, I went off to meet a Manager at some local oil company to agree on a workload for myself next year for 4 months, which should be good. Then after that I went to my current placement to have a meeting with the MD, we had a chat and he asked for my input on some things which was nice. Most people would be bought back by this and feel nervous, me, I couldnt care less... I lack confidence, but I dont lack self-belief that I can do well, I fear failure but I dont fear putting myself across to people. I can have a chat with a millionaire director of a company and then go off and talk to some people back home who are poor, I find it easy to talk to anyone because I think I bring myself across in a pretty good way to everyone - regardless of stature.

Im feeling a bit better, I still feel bloody awful but I as each day goes by I feel slightly better, I came home yesterday and burst into tears again, and very nearly did the same today... I dont cry often but at the moment its tough, I find holding stuff in is alright somtimes, but admitting you cant handle a certain situation and releasing your emotion makes you a bigger person than hiding it....time is healer though, and keeping myself busy is good.
Ive told them I will work with them for the first two weeks in January solidly, before driving back home to see family and friends and maybe Jess again if thats possible... Then when I come back I have to do a tonne of competitor analysis for them which I find extremely easy, I will just write myself a plan to do on each competitor and repeat it for however many competitors there are - time consuming yes, but difficult? No, not at all.
Now Im home Im going to write this, have some lunch, hit the gym again, then crack on with some Uni work... Then have a chilled night out before a day at uni tomorrow.

Next week should be good, and very busy.... Monday I have to try and do a tonne of uni work so I can go off to Manchester on Tuesday and Wednesday with time to have fun, I love the band Im seeing, The Courteeners - music has always been more to me than something nice to listen to, I can relate lyrics to myself and fall in love with bands. The Courteeners are one of them, Joy Division another, The Smiths, Radiohead, Coldplay, Oasis. All bands with solid artist song writers and limited production behind them.
I write poems and lyrics sometimes if Im bored, and although I cant actually read music I feel I could probably put a song together with relative ease... Shame I sing like a monotone dying cat.
I have a couple weeks of work which should be easy and should also fly by, then its off to New York - which still hasnt hit me yet.

I keep having this feeling within me that 2016 is going to be my best year yet, I feel like something really big is going to happen in my life - Ive been told something will happen and I can kind of feel it? If thats weird I dont know. I know as soon as I get back from New York and my visit back home again I need to sort my head out and sort my sh*t out. No more childish stuff, I need to start working hard and start earning good money and building something good.
My Uni tutor did say I could leave at the end of this year with an ordinary degree instead of doing another year at Uni to earn an honours degree - which would make little difference if I want to be self employed at the end of my Uni degree anyway? You know?
I dont know, I will talk to my mum about it as shes the wisest woman on the planet and will tell me if Im being silly. I know Im intelligent and I could probably do 4th year with ease, the fact is I very rarely agree with the stuff we are learning, usually theories, that has absolutely nothing to do with reality. If you dont agree with something, you arent going to want to be doing it are you?

I want to be self employed - I have ideas, nothing concrete, and no work has gone into it yet. I have no time. Its maybe something I could focus on in the summer if Im free, we shall see.
Nothings really changed for about 2 years, nothing in my life is going very well, and nothing is going very badly, but as someone who constantly wants to be moving forward with life after all the sh*t I had when I was younger, its horrible to be stood still.
If you asked me to tell you where I will be this time next year - I couldnt tell you, I wouldnt know, and in a way its exciting, because I hate boring lifestyles.
Whether in 2016 I somehow get some solid money, I dont know, if I did it would 100% be used for entrepreneurial reasons and not for luxury. Would it be a girl? Dare I say Love. I dont know, Im scared of that stuff, Ive been torn apart in the past and even this thing with Jess is hurting me, if everything was right and I found her to be the most incredible person in the world then why not. But I wouldnt get into a relationship again for the sake of say sex for instance.
I dunno really, it just seems like the past 2 years have been so bog standard, almost awful, that Im determined to make 2016 the best of my life yet - we shall see.