Manchester, Happiness, This Week

So this week on the Tuesday, somehow nearly 5 days ago now already... I got the train down to Manchester from Aberdeen. With weather being awful up and down the country I was worried my trains might be cancelled, the train from Aberdeen to Edinburgh was fine, albeit 20 minutes late. My train from Edinburgh to Manchester was cancelled.... So I decided to get some lunch in Edinburgh before waiting to see if anything happened.
Luckily a virgin train decided to try and make its way down the east coast, and although it was stuck outside carlisle for an hour where I saw how bad the floods were - it eventually made it past and got me to Manchester for around 2pm.
James met me at the station and we went straight to the pub for lunch and a pint before going back to the flat to drink some more and have a catch up. There I was told and found out about my friend Jordan expecting twins... dont get me started on this, I pretended to be happy for him.

I told him congratulations and that I would always be there for him, but its not fair on the kids to be growing up with a 20 year old father as immature as him with an 18 year old mum who has never had a proper job in her life and still acts like a child. If anything Im angry at him. Obviously as a close friend I will be there for him and his girlfriend but more importantly I will be there for the kids if they ever need anything from me. Im so angry at him because theres nothing in Devon for anybody, let alone parents of two children under the age of 21!! He HAS to move away somewhere but he wont, and its made me so angry at him and her for thinking its okay to have children in the situation theyre in. They live at home, they have a terrible income, they have no long term security, how they think its good to bring children into that environment I dont quite know...
I was telling Jack that all its made me do is understand what I want from my life at the end of the day, and Ive said all along I would never have children like Jordan unless I was in a relationship for a good few years, maybe even married, with a house, and with enough money behind me to offer my family and kids anything in the world because thats what Id want to supply them with. I feel as a man its my job in life, and with nothing currently to offer anyone in the way of luxury thats probably why I feel the need to be single... I dont understand people like Jordan who feel its ok to live a boring mediocre life and to destroy his childhood and youth by having kids at the age of 20. Thank god its not me.

Anyway...
Me and James then went off to the pub again for a quick few pints and after that we got the train into piccadilly in Manchester before getting a taxi to the o2 apollo.
The gig was absolutely top notch, seeing The Courteeners live is addictive, you can see why they are so popular locally and why they are growing into a big band finally. Me and James both came out wet with sweat, battered, bruised, basically sober after what seemed kind of like a massive cardio gym session.
We then walked slowly and dryed down back to the station where we got some water and food before getting the train back to Manchester where we made friends with some guy from Blackpool who sat next to us on the train and told us his life story. He was nice, but he was odd.

I got a terrible nights sleep, waking up at around 9 before helping James out with some of Uni work I decided to get an earlier train than the one I was supposed to be getting - purely because I was so tired and wanting to get home, but also because I knew Id miss my connecting trains.
The English train had no problems with me, but as soon as I got onto the Scottish train he picked up that I shoulnt be on that train, he didnt understand my point of view but I was in no mood to argue with some tramp looking train conducter for the sake of a £30 train ticket that I had to pay for again. Overall I paid £70 for a return train ticket to Manchester, which is cheaper than driving, so I decided to swallow it.
Annoying though. Then my train into Aberdeen was late... So I had no choice but to wait 30 minutes for the train to Dyce before getting a £15 taxi back to Newmachar and falling asleep instantly.
Thursday I had a day of doing very little and yesterday I had a workout, now Im at work after somehow sleeping like a log last night.

James made the point and also said Harry did aswell about how I seem depressed in reality and online, this surprised me.... I told James I wasnt depressed, and instead Im just not happy. Theres a difference.
Im not happy, at all. I feel at the moment especially financially everything is going against me and its horrible, I cant actually remember the last time something happened in my life and I was like yeah... This is REALLY good, probably at the start of my last relationship almost 2 years ago, I was proper happy back then, but since then, nah, nothing. Its got to the stage now where yeah, I am frustrated with life and I am very unhappy, but I AM NOT depressed, ive been depressed, and Im not depressed.
I didnt know I came across like that, but now I do, I dont know, its weird, because its not like me at all - it just shows you how unhappy I am I guess.

If this week doesnt partially cheer me up I dont know what will, Dad said hes going to send me £600 for my bday and xmas, and with £660 coming from work later this month I feel like even after New York I will be close to making profit from the past month - which to put it bluntly is a f#cking miracle. Sadly though I have my car tax due £130, and my car insurance due £680. So money quickly flys back out the window. Thats life though. Mum did fill my car up with fuel, so I dont have to worry about that for a good 6 weeks.
I just have to accept that Im 21 in a couple weeks, and its always going to be one of the most expensive times of your entire life because its one of the only times youre going to let yourself properly enjoy yourself.
Tomorrow is my last day of work for nearly 3 weeks, I have got minimal amounts of Uni work to do before a half day at placement - so next week I have a lot of free time to hit the gym and get into good physical shape. On Thursday Im having my Christmas up here, opening my presents and stuff. Friday Im driving down to Glasgow where Mum and Matt are taking me out for dinner and leaving me at the Hotel on my own where I will probably be spending in the pub on my own. Then I have to be at the airport for 7 before my flight to New York at 9 which gets me in US time for around mid day....
I cant wait. Im taking £600 worth of dollars with me, but will probably get more during that time. Ive said £1000 is the amount im expecting to spend so anything less than that will surprise me.

Nothing much is going on in my life, its pretty quiet for once, I dont really have many close friends up here anymore at all. Ella is too loved up, James is always working and is going home tomorrow, and Daniel is a mixture of them both. Im very alone... It gives me a chance to enjoy my own company though which is kind of nice. Ive been home alone the past couple days and will be up until Monday, without the dog aswell who I do miss an awful amount. I have to look after the 5 chickens and the 12 quails, aswell as a guinea pig and the cat who is starting to seriously get unwell. With the dog away it gives me time to spend with the cat, I cuddle him and sit with him for a couple of hours a day now just to keep him happy - hes nearly 18, so its just natural that he needs help when jumping up on your lap, hes death aswell, but something that worries me is that hes not eating much... Will be sad when he finally pops his clogs.
Girl wise there isnt much at all, I dont have time for myself anymore let alone someone else, and like I said I havent really got anything to offer apart from occasional time and good sex, so it would be unfair on both of us if anything serious were to happen.