What Are You Doing?

So, there's been this nagging question on my mind lately. It's "What are you doing?"

What am I doing? What AM I doing? Well, right now I'm sitting at work eating a bag of Gardettos and typing away to you fine people. But that's not what I mean.

What am I doing? You know. Like, with life. What are you doing? Suppose you're a published author that still comes on here from time to time because this is where you got your start or something. That's cool. Makes sense. Maybe you're a painter studying art in college right now selling your paintings for more and more money, just on the brink of making it big. Maybe a little far fetched, but you never know. If you are, I applaud you. Suppose you're a mother that just likes to get her feelings out on this website. Maybe you're 15 years old and you like to write down your emotions on here in depressing, semi teen-angsty poetry. BEEN THERE. Zero shame. Keep doing it. It helps.

Or maybe you're sitting at your job right now, home for winter break, eating a bag of Gardettos and staring at a computer screen. If that's the case, I'm telling you, we have to be friends.

What am I doing? Maybe a better question, one I can semi answer, would be "Who am I?" I'm 21 years old. I study music in college which I love more than anything. Songwriting. I've devoted my life to it and have 0 regrets on that. I have a boyfriend that wants to marry me. And I guess that's pretty much it. I'm lost. I'm graduating soon and have no idea where to go or what to do with what I've learned. I'm not ready to be a wife. I'm not even ready to be a fiance. From time to time I come on the internet and tell people how I feel.

I'm anonymous on this site, I have been for the last 5 years or so, since I came here. Before that, I was on a different site as the same anonymous person. I started all this when I was 14 years old.

On here, I am a writer, and a decent one at that. I tell people how I feel. I've met painters on here. I've met new mothers. I've met 15 year old angsty teens. I'm safe here which is, I assume, why I keep coming back here to update strangers on my life and to hear about theirs. The real world though, that's where I get a little lost.

What I know so far out of life is that absolutely nothing, WITHOUT FAIL, will go as you plan it. But the majority of things, I believe, will work out. It makes for some good story telling, I'll say that. People you think will be around forever will not. You'll creep them on Facebook from time to time though. Who you are and who you want to be will probably always be different people but two that always walk side by side. Broken hearts make good songs, good stories, good poems, great learning experiences. Life sucks if you think it sucks. And if you think it rocks, it probably will even though it secretly sucks. Boys are stupid. Girls are annoying. Everyone is lost. Maybe you never really figure it out. If I do though you people will be the first to know. What I know so far is that typing this to you has calmed my heart a little bit. The Gardettos have filled my hunger mostly. Oh, and I haven't gotten any work done.

I better get on that.
January 2nd, 2016 at 07:51pm