Money- I'm fundraising by selling candy so I can go to Chicago in April with my orchestra. It's $920. I had $50 in the box that I was selling candy in and someone stole it. .___. Amazing. $50 gone which my mother made me replace today. AND THEN, I had to pay her $25 that I "owe" her. I have to pay her $25 a week just because. Riiiiiiiiiight. That's really fucking stupid. Now, I don't have enough money to pay my cell-phone bill which is due on Sunday. Fucking awesome.
Period- I'm on my period. It started today. And homecoming is in two days. w00t. This day just keeps getting better and better.
Friends- I've come to the conclusion that I have no friends. I simply have a lot of close aquaintances. And that used to make me sad. But I don't really give a fuck anymore. And I'm sick of my friends always whining about the same shit over and over and over. STFU already. I'm tired of listening to it. I have better and more important things to worry about rather than how hard school is. Look. I'm applying to colleges right now and it's stressful as fuck. Not to mention my mom rubbing it in my face how amazing my boyfriend is and how much I suck at life. I don't care about your minute problems. So the boy at school doesn't like you. You'll get over it. There are plently more fish in the sea.
Depression- I read the last chapter in The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien and I almost cried. It made me think of Maeghan. And he views things the same as me. I can't really express myself well through words spoken so I do it through words written. "Inside the body, or beyond the body, there is something absolute and unchanging. The human life is all one thing, like a blade tracing loops on ice: a little kid, a twenty-three-year-old infantry sergeant, a middle-aged writer knowing guilt and sorrow." and the other line, "They're all dead. But in a story, which is kind of dreaming, the dead sometimes smile and sit up and return to the world." Those were just... Right there. Right there. And when he talked about the funeral home where he saw Linda's body, I thought of Maeghan. And that same smell. That same stiff realization that it was her. But gone. And you hope it's a dream or sick prank when it's not. And you can't rewind time and change the pass. And it hurts. It hurts like Hell. So fucking bad.
Jandri- The only one I've really got. I suppose I can't be too sad about my situation when I look at him. Afterall, sometimes people never find someone. That one.
EDIT: I know that no one will even bother to read this long shit so I don't know why I even bothered. Whatever. I guess I desperately needed to get it out.
Not registered?
Create an account