I'm gonna come out and say it

I think I might still love him.
I know it's wrong.
I know I might get hurt.
But it's still love.
My friends are going to kill me.
They're going to be pissed,
and I know that.
But after all that's happened,
what can happen?
He's under watch now.
It's just...
ugh.
I really want to cry,
but I can't in front of my grandma.
I feel like such an ass.
I'm so weak.
Why would I give into this emotion?
Why can't I just bury it in the sand?
Why is this happening?
How is this happening?
I'm fucking stupid.