Things Are Changing

Things are changing

So this week I had my step sisters home and my step cousin from Devon, as always ofcourse its nice to see them but seeing people I havent seen in so long is interesting. I feel things are changing, I feel my mind is thinking differently and because over the past 6-8 months ive had this sudden urge to become independent and successful, my ambition has come back from where it was around 3 years ago. This means I have extreme views on people, their ethics, their intelligence, their ambition, and it angers me as to how people can live life and settle with normality. It only really makes me very angry and upset when I see my friends settling for generic normality.

My step cousin questioned my work and why I work so much, the fact Im never around or never out doing stuff with friends. I told her how much I work and how little free time I have and she gasped, she couldnt believe it. Thats the difference between me and her, thats why she has no money, a terrible job - and why I am where I am at the moment, with a sh*t tonne of ambition, a sh*t tonne of independence, and a mindset that I can feel growing day by day. I feel good.
The fact its Valentines today doesnt faze me, I dont want a girlfriend, a relationship takes away the focus you have.
An example of this would be my step sister who is already married at whatever silly young age, and Mum was telling me they are trying to have a baby - this made me angry, and I started to raise my voice and concerns to Mum, something I almost never do.

I still think my views on life and what I want to achieve from life can come across as A crazy and B intimidating, purely because at the age of 21 I know what I want to do and I know what I want to achieve, and I have the ambition and a solid base of knowledge on which to start and grow. I feel my upbringing has lead me here to be this person that can deal with almost anything the world throws at me, whether it hurts like f*ck or whatever, you get through it and you grow.
I think sometimes people can get jealous and people are amazed at me, where as some people at 21 have never worked a day in their lives I already have plans to become self employed and to grow a business over a period of X amount of years, from the background I have with zero financial support I could allow myself to look at myself and think wow, but I dont, I just keep going, keep thinking, keep learning, and I wont stop until Im where I want to be - then I can look back at myself and where Ive come from and think yeah, thats not bad is it...

Anyway I told Mum that instead of doing all this pathetic family stuff that seems to be out of dreamland, they should be focusing on actually getting a house first, and a solid secure foundation so its fair on the kid if they were to have one. It made me SO angry and I was raising my voice about something, purely because I cared, and Mum was agreeing with me.
I admit being in a little relationship makes you content with life, it did with me, but after we split up you learn about life and what you as a person want to achieve. I wouldnt say no to a relationship, but it would have to be the right person, shed have to give me mental stimulation and keep me focused, unlike both my previous exs....

Im not sure what it is and why people feel the need to live lives like this, a friend back home whos 20 is having twins, its a joke. Good for him, but think about the f*cking kids for a minute, with no proper home and no actual security in their lives. I had a tough upbringing and I want to give everything back to my family, kids, whatever what I never had. I dont understand why people are like this nowadays, there must be a million theories.

Something else Im doing is talking to certain friends less. Jordan for instance lacks complete and utter ambition and as sad as it is will never probably leave Torquay in his entire life, I feel sorry for him, and as cruel as it sounds I feel sorry for the twins hes going to have.
Alex is an odd one, he works so hard, yet hes still wrapped in cotton wool by his parents, whom are paying for his trip to New York - youd think at his age theyd tell him to bugger off and pay for it himself? I dont know, aswell as Jordan he says he has ambition but he takes very little action in showing it.
Jack is similar to me, hes probably the most ambitious person I know but he aswell as me has extreme views, this is probably why sometimes we can clash, usually when drunk. Hes great, but being in America and not working I worry has taken the reality of life away from him, he needs to get back here and start working hard again.
As a group of mates weve slowly over time grown apart, and its sad, but its life.

Jamie is my closest friend, I love him, and whatever he chooses to do I wont agree but I will always support and I will always push him to do better, Id like to think hed do the same to me.
James is slowly getting his head right and shares the same work hard attitude as me, with no fixed routes in life he could do anything.
I talk to Jamie and James almost everyday, but thats about it, I think over time peoples views on life change, it changes them. I use me as an example, Im up here in Aberdeen 620 miles away from my home, working my ass off, it provides me without a care in the world about where Im going to end up because I have no fixed routes, its a good platform to have. It changes who you are, because Im so ambitious and arguably intelligent at times it means Im different to say Jordan for example.
Someone, at the age of 20, who is already settled down in what seems like a marriage and who acts like a 50 year old man. It means hes different than he was 4 years ago, when almost everyone was the same, but Ive always been that little bit different in comparison to everyone purely because of the past with Mum and Dad and having to grow up and mature so young.

I feel like everyone should have one major goal in life, and everyone should have a short term and long term goal, and if you keep to your goals then youre going to do well in life. Ive always done it, and ive always, usually, met those goals. My goals for the next 2/3 years are extreme, but if I dont try them then I will regret it forever, and if they work out, then the future will only be better for it.

Plans are always changing, and this week James said he applied for an intern in Peterhead, up the road from me. If he moved up here wed live together, probably initially still at mine as this gives James a good few months to save some money into his account, then after that we can think maybe about moving out, and I would start thinking about the beginning of my business idea, of which is still on track with the qualifications in June and July something thats going to be happening.
James is one of very few people Id live with apart from say Jack, that might even be it. Living with someone is extreme, you need to have similar diet needs, similar interests, similar backgrounds, and if you have all of that then living together is so easy. James said himself that food is the most important thing, if you live with someone who has a terrible diet, then you wont be living with them for long. Me and James eat well, so I think that wouldnt be a problem at all.
Its a nice thought, but first he has to get the job, and I think he has a very good chance.

I will probably go home after work today and relax with a beer and some nice food, watching the football, it doesnt take much at all to keep me happy. A nice car, a nice home, a nice beer with nice food, a big tv with football, a dog and cat to cuddle, and Im happy as larry. A nice girlfriend/relationship would make it even better!
Then this week its Uni again and Placement again, its going to be a identical couple of months, good because it gets me into routine, bad because I hate staying still and not moving forward...
I have no plans to go home again until probably August, and thats that, Im still not happy though, Im never happy, Mum must be thinking all the time why Im constantly so miserable around the house! I think by now she knows, and Im pretty sure I told her a couple weeks ago.

Onwards and upwards