So basically I see an alarming amount of poorly written BDSM in fic. Poorly written as in inaccurate, excluding incredibly important things, or bordering on abuse. Here I've put together a sort of checklist of basic stuff to know when writing BDSM!!
(I have some experience in real-life BDSM myself, so my sources are personal experience, friends who are involved in real-life BDSM, and various information around the internet.)
NECESSARY BASICS
These things aren't necessarily strictly necessary but are amazing things to add as details for realism and such.
- A SAFE WORD. Jesus fucking Christ your submissive character(s) need a safe word. A safe word is a word that a sub uses during a scene to tell their dom that things absolutely need to stop and they need to be checked in with. A universal safe word is generally “red”, so you can use that, or make up one for your characters. It can be anything as long as it’s absolutely non-sexual. I have a friend whose sub’s safe word is “pineapple”. While I don't think this is 100% absolutely necessary in any fic, you might want to include it in a fic which depicts a scene where a submissive might say “no” or pretend to resist. A lot of people use a “slow down” word as well, such as “yellow” or “mercy” to signal to their dom that they need to lighten up or change what they’re doing.
- BONDAGE SAFETY. When a sub is in bondage it’s important to have their dom check in with them. Limbs in bondage should never turn purple or get tingly. It’s also ideal to include that your dom has something like safety scissors nearby in case of an emergency. Also, never ever ever ever ever leave a tied up sub alone. I’ve read fics in which the dom completely left the home with a sub tied up in the basement for several hours. If I have to explain how ridiculously unsafe that is then I don’t even know.
- AFTERCARE. If a dom leaves their sub alone after a scene, especially if there was something especially difficult involved, it's essentially neglect. A sub should receive physical affection after a scene, along with whatever they might want such as water, a snack, kisses, to lay down for a nap, or whatever.
Including these things is important and will make your fic much more realistic. And honestly who doesn't love some fluff at the end of a smut fic.
BONDAGE
- Okay, here’s the thing. If there’s one thing I see in BDSM in fic it’s the same bondage positions every time. Bound to the bedposts, bound to the wall, and hands bound behind the back. Be creative!
There are lots of basic bondage positions that are simple to describe but more inventive than the usual stuff people write. For inspiration you can look up basic shibari ties and kinbaku. These are traditional forms of Japanese bondage.
- Other basic ties to look up include: hogtie, frogtie, reverse prayer, crotch rope, shrimp tie, and rope harnesses.
- If you want to get super creative, include things like facial bondage, hand/foot bondage, breast bondage, and genital bondage. Those are rarely seen in fic.
- Porn is a great source of inspiration for bondage positions in fic. My favorite sites for bondage inspirations are Device Bondage, Hogtied, and Sexually Broken. (PS. Those are porn sites obviously so like, don't go there if you're underage. I mean, not that you're writing porn if you're underage. RIGHT!!)
- Also consider bondage devices/wearables instead of just tying a sub up. Spreader bars, arm binders, blindfolds, collars, hoods, clamps, and gags are all good ideas.
CORPORAL PUNISHMENT
- Corporal is the actual hitting involved. The stuff I see most commonly in fic is spanking, which is totally rad, but gets a little boring after awhile.
- With bare hands, a dom can spank, slap, punch, pinch, flick, squeeze, scratch, or twist nearly any part of the body. Don’t limit yourself to just spanking the butt! Some of my favorites are face slapping, nipple pinching, genital torture via twisting/squeezing/flicking, breast spanking, or basically any combination of a body part and the things I mentioned! The options are truly limitless.
- As far as devices for impact play go, there are loads of options. Most often I see “whips” very vaguely described. There are TONS of different kinds of whips and even more kinds of impact toys for corporal. Here are the basics.
- Floggers: whips with multiple (usually 8-10+) “tails”, called falls. Generally produces a heavy thuddy sort of pain due to its heft and shape. These leave a flushed red color and are usually used on the back/butt area or the chest.
- Paddles: flat surface of some material with a handle. Usually stings a lot. These can be leather, wooden, plastic, rubber, or even plexiglas. Sometimes round/oval but I’ve usually seen them rectangular. Again leaves a really general red color. Mostly used on the butt.
- Riding crops: basically a triangle of leather (or another material) on the end of a long stick. SUUUPER stingy and it leaves triangular red marks. These were used by horseback riders to train horses, hence the name. Used all over!!
- Whips: refers to the typical “Indiana Jones” looking whip. One tail, stings like a bitch and leaves long red lines that tend to last for several days. There are also whips that have 9 falls right at the end, called a cat o'nine tails. These are used all over too but usually the torso/butt/thighs.
- Canes: a favorite of mine even if only because of the dark red/purple bruises they leave. Literally a cane is a stick made of wood, plastic, bamboo, or metal with a handle on one end. Canes are really nasty and stingy and leave bruises that often last up to a week. Avoid caning the genitals too much (some is fine), but other than that caning are usually administered to the butt, legs, chest, feet, and more rarely the insides of thighs or undersides of arms.
FETISHES
- Another thing I rarely see covered are fetishes. A fetish is a sexual attraction to something otherwise non-sexual.
- The 5 most common fetishes in the USA are body piercings, hair (on the head or otherwise), leather, high heels, and feet.
- Other fetishes include latex, age play, animal role playing, medical play, cum, hands, menstruation, smoking, guns, urine (referred to as watersports), and electrical play.
- If you want to write a fetish it’s best to research a fetish individually before you dive into writing it. There are infinite amounts of fetishes out there!
DIFFERENT DYNAMICS AND POWER EXCHANGE:
- This is in no way going to be an exhaustive list but here are a few of the common dynamics in BDSM relationships.
- MASTER/SLAVE: pretty straightforward. Male dom is master, sub is master’s slave.
- MISTRESS/SLAVE: same as master/slave but with a female dom.
- DADDY DOM/LITTLE: dominant male takes the role of a caretaker or “daddy” of the little, who role plays in a childlike persona. Very very rarely a true incest role play. Mommy doms are also out there but this dynamic is usually with a male dom.
- CUCKOLDING: a little more complicated. Dominant female has a submissive male slave who is held in chastity, called a cuckold. The woman then has sex with a man or many men outside the relationship. This may or may not involved the cuckold having sexual contact with the dominant woman’s male partner.
- SERVICE SUBMISSION: y'know those little french maid outfits a sub wears and then is made to clean the house? It’s like that, but can include any sort of service. Cleaning, running errands, being used as human furniture, etc
- PET PLAY: the submissive plays the role of an animal. The dominant plays the role of the animal's owner or handler. Some common role plays include dog/owner, pony/trainer, and kitten/owner.
- There are so so many!! These are just a few out of loads.
GENERAL WRITING ADVICE
- If you want to write something, go for it! Someone else will find it hot.
- Be very careful writing things that are illegal. In general I would recommend avoiding them altogether but if you do decide to write them you MUST provide adequate warnings. (By illegal I'm referring to rape, underage characters, bestiality, necrophilia, incest, etc.) Additionally, prepare for some amount of backlash from readers.
- If your fetish is generally considered “gross” (urine, feces, vomit, spit, etc) then you should also provide adequate warnings. The same goes for the whole backlash thing too, though less so.
- You’re basically guaranteed to offend someone if you’re a BDSM writer. It happens. Try not to let it get to you. I’ve been writing BDSM for over 5 years and I still get it. You will always get far more love than hate.
- Dialogue is really important. Include a lot of it, including things like the dom checking on the sub to make sure they’re feeling fine, especially if the sub is appearing especially overwhelmed or is crying.
- By the way, subspace isn’t an acid trip. You don’t see flowers and trees and shit. It’s more of a blissful experience. As a dom, I’ve never personally experienced subspace, but essentially it’s a rush of endorphins that increases the sub’s pain tolerance and puts them into almost a trance-like state, like a high. When the high comes down the sub is often incoherent and becomes very very tired.
- To be blunt: porn helps sometimes. If you’re of age go poke around on an ethical BDSM site. I can recommend some if you don't know of any.
- And of course have fun with it! That’s the whole point of fic right? Try writing something you’ve never written. Write something you like but are unsure people will be into (hint: someone will). Write for you! Write stuff that turns you on!
And that’s basically all I can think of to include at the moment. I really hope this is helpful and educational! As your friendly neighborhood domme I am more than willing to answer any questions or provide advice. Cool.
Not registered?
Create an account