In a Rut | Music Lessons (Poem)

I don't know, I've just been feeling off lately.

I've been really susceptible to these horrible, like, two-day bouts of crippling depression--the kind where I lie in bed staring at the ceiling for a couple hours straight thinking about how worthless I am and how no one likes me and how I hate everything about myself, and spend the rest of the day thinking about how I'm wasting my time just like I've wasted the rest of my life.

I've had a hard time writing. I haven't been reading. I don't have the energy to do basic stuff.

Part of me thinks it might be the season--I always have a hard time in the deepest parts of winter, when I'm cooped up all the time. But I've been able to get out and about more than usual this winter, and the feeling is still here. Then again, the way my schedule is, it's so hard for me to make plans with people on a consistent basis.

Maybe I need to start eating healthier. Maybe I need to buy myself fresh fruits and vegetables, get the house clean, start going on walks. But all of that takes more time and energy than I feel like I have right now and pushing myself to do it with no promise of improvement is just...a lot. It's just a lot.

I will try anyway.

**

I put a new poem up on WordPress, called Music Lessons. It was actually something I wrote almost a year ago (or maybe even two years ago?) in a notebook, and then today while flipping through old notebooks for writing ideas I found it and touched it up. So...there's that.

I really need to post to PuckerMob again, but I feel like I'm out of ideas and it's very frustrating. I will figure something out, and make a post either tonight or tomorrow come hell or high water.