I'm 20, and in exactly six months from now, I'll be 21. That itself is already terrifying as hell without adding my recent life stagnancy. I have absolutely no interest in being an adult. I still feel like a baby sometimes and all my friends (who are my age - a little older by a few months) feel the exact same way.
EXCEPT, unlike me, they're already adult-ing.
Two of them have already hit 21. They're still in college, they have steady jobs, and they're planning for their future. If that's not adult-ing then idk what is. They occasionally go out to parties, drink, have fun, be young. They're doing everything right. Even if they feel a little angsty sometimes...that's ok bc they're still doing everything right. It's normal.
Me, on the other hand? I dropped out of college in January 2014. I couldn't afford it. My family moved two states away and I came along with them, so now I'm entirely separated from my best friends, my hometown, and basically most things that are familiar to me.
I'm still in touch with them. I talk to my best friend Natalie everyday. It's hilarious bc we send each other a million snapchats while simultaneously texting, DMing on Twitter, tagging each other in funny crap on IG, etc. We're really close. And Eduardo calls me almost every day and keeps me on the phone for hours. And my girl Alyssa and I send each other snail mail letters like in the old days, it's so cute. I'm definitely blessed to have such close friends. I probably would've lost my damn mind like a year ago if it wasn't for them.
I miss California so much. I can't seem to resonate with this new town even though it's been two years already. Not to be rude, but it's a predominantly Caucasian area and it's hard for me to put myself out there or feel comfortable in public.
Two years ya'll.
I've been struggling to find a job since I moved here. I wanna blame it on the fact that I'm a black female bc there are definitely still concrete inequalities in our society AND it makes me feel like less of a chump for not getting hired anywhere lol. Like, "oh ok, this isn't my fault. It's society. Okay, I can handle that. I can fight." But now, I'm not so sure...because my brother has gotten hired at two places since we've lived here. One seasonal job back in 2014, and now a permanent position at Target for almost a whole year now. And I know what you might be thinking...he's a man. Yes, true. He's a strong, able-bodied, charming, and handsome 22-year-old black man. Much easier for someone like that to find a job. But I honestly just don't know anymore...
I don't mean to bum anyone out but I've just been experiencing some self-doubt lately. And that self-doubt turns into anxiety and over-thinking yknow? Anxiety + cabin fever + major FOMO = a not-so-happy camper
Bleh I didn't plan for this blog to be so long, my b. Hope everyone is having a much better time adult-ing than I am. Happy Tuesday lol.