Heartbreak.

This past Sunday (March 6th), my father passed away after the shortest battle with cancer. He was diagnosed on Monday, and passed on Sunday, not even a full week.

My heart is absolutely broken and I do not know how the hell I'm going to keep on going. My father was my rock, my inspiration, and basically my entire world. And now he's been taken from me.

My entire life, he had been in and out of hospitals. Even before I was born, he was fighting for his life. He had two liver transplants before I was born. And after, when I was 7, he had a kidney transplant. Two years ago we found out he needed a new kidney (they only last 10 years normally, his lasted an astounding 15). He was in the midst of getting on the list for a new one, when everything just. Went to hell.

He had been a smoker his whole life, and what wound up getting him was the aggressive, fast-growing lung cancer. In a week, a small tumor grew into masses and spores in both lungs. There was nothing that we could do. Chemo would poison him. No dialysis would kill him.

I still see images in my mind of my father in that hospital bed, nothing but skin and bones, struggling and fighting to hold on for us, for himself.

It's not fair that he was ripped away so soon, and so young. I miss him every single moment of every single day. Some days are easier than others. Some days are the worst days of my life. I just have to remind myself he's no longer in pain, and that he's with his father now. But sometimes, I look to his favorite chair, and expect to see him sitting there, and when he's not, my heart crumples in my chest and I am reminded he's never coming home.

I know he will be with me always, though. And I am comforted in the fact that no matter where I go, I will always have him watching over me, and out for me. My own guardian angel. I just wish it wasn't so soon.

And, so, I will end this with - so long, and goodnight, dad. You were, and still are, the greatest man I have ever known. I love you with all of my heart.