2pm

I wanted to kill myself today.
It took hold of me and would not let go.
Crying, shaking, unable to breathe.
Feeling things touch me and run around me, but I was alone.
Screaming.
Completely humiliated and embarrassed.
Why does it happen?
Can it ever stop?
When will I have control of my mind?
Unable to seek help.
Afraid and held down by this burden of a disease.
Wanting to be alone but afraid of loneliness.
No motivation.
No drive.
But still wanting to do everything.
Can't get up or gather the strength to move and fix myself.
I want to heal.
Be free.
Go out and conquer without caring about failure.
Able to accept mistakes.
Unbreakable and unbeatable.
Confident.
Strong.
I want to win this war against myself.

-I had a very bad anxiety attack at work today. Had to go home early. Nervous to go to work tomorrow, but need to.