My creative writing streak has pretty well left me. Enough so, anyways, that I think my editor is probably going to give up on me soon. I just can't seem to keep a story going. Nor can I seem to keep the flow to it.
So, how about an update?
Well, as you all know, it is indeed the new year. Much, in the past week especially, has happened in my life thus far in 2016.
My old roommate, Casey, is now with child and towards the end of her first trimester. She also has moved out of my house and in with her boyfriend and a few friends of theirs.
Derek, my boyfriend, and his son Jasper moved in about a week ago. My daughter is a year and nine months old and his son is 5 years and 5 months old. They get along, for the most part, though we have issues once in a while but nothing major.
My health has its ups and downs and it is a little difficult sometimes to deal with.
The main thing, for me, is my bipolar. I've kept a somewhat tight lid, so to speak, on my emotional issues, for several years now, but it really surfaced full blown over the past couple of years.
Why? Who knows. It could be something as simple as hormones shifting my mental walls during my pregnancy, thus making it difficult to control, or it could just be that I cannot expect to be able to suppress my reality forever. Either way, my anxiety has gotten much worse and my breakdowns happen much more often and more severely when they do. For now, I'm able to keep a hold on myself until I get home or can hide away during breaks, at work, and try to calm down in the bathroom. It doesn't always work but sometimes it does.
Recently, it's seemed like they hit full blast when I go to bed. I think that can be attributed to my conscious mind easing off and allowing my true mental status through. When this happens, it sometimes triggers a 2-5 hour long attack. Crying so hard that my eyes are swollen half way through the next day and convulsing clear through the attack. It can be kind of difficult to breathe through them, though knowing that each attack will eventually end really does help.
Having someone at my side at night really does make a wonderful difference. Being able to be held or hold onto the one I love...... I don't even know how to explain it.
I have a really hard time with being alone or feeling alone. By that, I don't mean single. I mean being alone. Nobody comes to visit, except maybe once every few months, and until last week I had been going to bed alone. My roommates wouldn't even stick around and hang out, past the first month or two. So, I ended up alone in the house and trying not to allow the feeling of the walls closing in around me to become bothersome. The silence echoing, becoming suffocating.
If I owned a car, things would be a little different. I could go places and visit people. However, I do not. So I'm at home, most of the time. Work is even just a fifteen minute walk.
Now that Derek lives with me, I never feel alone. Even if he is in a different room, I don't feel alone.
I'm hoping, now that our little family lives together, things will be better. He won't have to struggle with things and I won't be alone. We will all have each other.
Am I naive enough to think it will always be perfect and all peaches and cream? Heck no.... But at least things will be more calm.
Well, as you all know, it is indeed the new year. Much, in the past week especially, has happened in my life thus far in 2016.
My old roommate, Casey, is now with child and towards the end of her first trimester. She also has moved out of my house and in with her boyfriend and a few friends of theirs.
Derek, my boyfriend, and his son Jasper moved in about a week ago. My daughter is a year and nine months old and his son is 5 years and 5 months old. They get along, for the most part, though we have issues once in a while but nothing major.
My health has its ups and downs and it is a little difficult sometimes to deal with.
The main thing, for me, is my bipolar. I've kept a somewhat tight lid, so to speak, on my emotional issues, for several years now, but it really surfaced full blown over the past couple of years.
Why? Who knows. It could be something as simple as hormones shifting my mental walls during my pregnancy, thus making it difficult to control, or it could just be that I cannot expect to be able to suppress my reality forever. Either way, my anxiety has gotten much worse and my breakdowns happen much more often and more severely when they do. For now, I'm able to keep a hold on myself until I get home or can hide away during breaks, at work, and try to calm down in the bathroom. It doesn't always work but sometimes it does.
Recently, it's seemed like they hit full blast when I go to bed. I think that can be attributed to my conscious mind easing off and allowing my true mental status through. When this happens, it sometimes triggers a 2-5 hour long attack. Crying so hard that my eyes are swollen half way through the next day and convulsing clear through the attack. It can be kind of difficult to breathe through them, though knowing that each attack will eventually end really does help.
Having someone at my side at night really does make a wonderful difference. Being able to be held or hold onto the one I love...... I don't even know how to explain it.
I have a really hard time with being alone or feeling alone. By that, I don't mean single. I mean being alone. Nobody comes to visit, except maybe once every few months, and until last week I had been going to bed alone. My roommates wouldn't even stick around and hang out, past the first month or two. So, I ended up alone in the house and trying not to allow the feeling of the walls closing in around me to become bothersome. The silence echoing, becoming suffocating.
If I owned a car, things would be a little different. I could go places and visit people. However, I do not. So I'm at home, most of the time. Work is even just a fifteen minute walk.
Now that Derek lives with me, I never feel alone. Even if he is in a different room, I don't feel alone.
I'm hoping, now that our little family lives together, things will be better. He won't have to struggle with things and I won't be alone. We will all have each other.
Am I naive enough to think it will always be perfect and all peaches and cream? Heck no.... But at least things will be more calm.
I hope everyone is doing well and I also hope to be updating many of my stories, quite soon.