Dear Anorexia...

Dear Anorexia,

We have had a long run together, you and I, I will admit that you have taught me a lot…both good and bad. You have taught me to be strong and stand up for what I believe in. But you have also showed me how worthless I am to you, while at the same time showing me you were the only one who cared enough to be there for me when no one else was. You ended up being the only friend I had left, you showed you understood how I felt. For that, I don’t know if I should be thankful or not. Maybe I am thankful for you in a weird and twisted kind of way. I mean, because of you, before you entered my life, I was weak. I was a pushover. I wasn’t able to fight my own battles. I had no willpower for anything.
No one seemed to understand what I felt. Even when I tried my hardest to explain, they all assumed I was being dramatic…but then you, you showed me what it was like to feel. You showed me what it was like to feel like I was worth something. You showed me what it was like to actually feel special and in-control for once. You showed me I am strong enough to stand up for myself. You showed me and taught me so much. I thank you for that. I really do.
But you know what I don’t like about what you’ve done? Sure, you have helped me fight so many battles and to stand up for myself when I couldn’t do it alone. You were there the whole way through my journey. Yes, you were always one step ahead of me to tell me what to do. But the battles you made me fight against were battles not with those who were against me. They were with people who were there for me in a way that they tried to help me be strong. And you pushed them away, you made me feel but stop feeling for them. You made me shut down and stop talking to the ones I cared about more than anything. You made me lock myself away from them, making me believe they were out for me. Making me believe no one really understood, not even those who were once considered “friends”. Not even those who I use to go to every time I needed a smile on my face. I lost them because of you. And because of you, I doubt I’ll ever gain them back.
I lost myself because of you. Who am I, really? What kind of person am I? Am I still the old me or did you kill her completely. Does the old me not exist anymore? Am I going to need to recreate myself?
I refuse to let you take anyone else I care about away from me again. That’s the reason for this letter. You will not control me anymore. I will fight back and I will win, no matter the cost. Like God fighting Satan; you’re the demon I have to fight. And it won’t matter how many followers I have along the way…far from that. But when I have God there for me I know I can win and overcome your evil and deathly commands. You don’t deserve to treat me like that. You don’t get to make me feel like I’m not worth anything anymore. You don’t have that power anymore.
How does that make you feel? Knowing you put so much strength in me to know I am willing now to use that strength and fight you. I will find a healthy balance. I will learn to love myself again. I won’t listen to your commands anymore. So from now on to the end of time, this is goodbye. You’re the last friend I’m setting free and the last friend I never want back into my life again.

Sincerely,
Me.