I'm Really, Really Trying.

After a really long absence from this site, I kind of left again due to lack of activity/feedback. I thought maybe Writer's Cafe would be a better fit, but I got none there, either. At first, I thought "Oh, maybe the site is just dead. Maybe there's just not a lot of activity." But people are posting contests and updating new material all the time. I took a look around, and none of the stories/poems seemed to have any feedback. So maybe it's just not their thing. I don't know.

But I can't help but think "Is my stuff even any good?" I put a ton of effort into anything I write and spend just as much time editing and tweaking as I do writing. It's disheartening to put out so much thought and energy and care about something so much, and have nothing come of it. Writing is something I've always wanted to do. I've always been told I was good at it, whether it was by the select friends and family members I've let read my stuff, or the teachers I had no choice but to share with. But now I kind of feel like those horrible singers on American Idol who are shocked when the judges tell them they suck, because their friends and family told them they were so talented all of their lives when really, they should've learned some kind of trade or something.

I get that rejection is inevitable. But it's still really hard to deal with.

When I wrote fan fiction, I had a pretty decent amount of readers. I hate bragging, because more often than not, I ended up not even liking the stories I was writing, even though other people couldn't get enough. I only got into fan fiction because I thought it would be sort of a segue into writing original fiction that was actually good. Practice, so to speak. But it got popular enough that I continued and by the time I'd written four or five full stories, I was already sick of it but I kept going anyway.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE the idea of fan fiction. Picturing your idols/imaginary future husbands/whatever in your head and writing your fantasies down for fellow fans to see and share. That's such a cool idea to me. But it wasn't really what I wanted to be doing. I felt like I was wasting my time. But people liked it so much, that I probably just got a big head about it and continued. When FanWorks went kaput, I stopped creating new material for a while. I had a couple stories that I had almost completely done and I shared that on Mibba, where I received amazing feedback.

So back to the lack of feedback...

I realize that what I probably need to do is offer feedback on other stories. I don't know why I've been so reluctant to read other people's stuff, but my brain gets so one track minded that when I'm writing, I can't focus on reading anything. And if I do read, it's usually a physical book. I got into ebooks for a while, but I just really prefer the feel of a book in my hand.

But I'm really, really going to try. I think community is important on a site like this, and if I want people to read my stuff and tell me what they think, I should probably do the same.

I seriously don't even know how many people will read this. I always kind of feel like I'm talking to myself when I write a blog, but just in case, thanks for tolerating my rambling. And you should definitely check out some of my original fiction. That'd be freakin' great! Also if you have any that you feel is well written, then by all means, point me towards it.

A not-really-that-supernatural, suspenseful vampire themed, sort of smutty story: Blood Money

A coming-of-age, more observational and funny, much less smutty YA sort of story: A Summer Nowhere