Frustration

I'm so angry... At him, at me, at men and life in general...
He made me this way... Lonely sad fragile broken...
I shouldn't want him or wish him back... He hurt me so bad. I was barely alive when I left... He hurt my sons... He.. Broke.. Me.. Why do I still love him!?
Men... Are terrifying now, I know a handful I am not terrified of... I mean I love men they look... Good... I want one... But THE MOMENT a man shows the slightest bit of interest in me I run... It's terrifying. Thanks to my husband for making me want something that I'm now terrified of having... What if he hurts me too? What if he hurts my boys? What if he is just like my husband? It's better to be alone...
Life has beaten me so brutally it's a wonder I'm alive.. How can you take so much from one person in so short a time and them still survive?
Two years... My mom is dead January 2014.. My new baby (possibly the girl we prayed for?) Miscarried before we even knew the gender...December 2014 My marriage over..july 2015 My husband is an abuser and a cheater... I move 2 hours away..August 2015. It's been almost a year now. I'm doing... Better but I miss him..