I feel like I always blog about my nights out. Like I don't know why I think you guys want to hear these stories, but I don't have many girlfriends, aside from the ones that are with me when I go out, and I can't tell my siblings these stories because as much as I'd like to think we're like the Kardashians there are some things we just can't share.
In any event, I'm going to tell you about my last two nights. They're kind of explicit, so fair warning. This'll probably be a long story. If any of you guys follow my snap story you might have some idea of what went down. Although admittedly I didn't snap as much as I usually do.
I'm back home in Jersey (I was in DC for school) and the party scene is pretty limited. So friday night my friend, Brooke, and I made plans to go into the city. Disclaimer: we are both insanely broke right now so our plans were even more limited to what we could do for free. She met this guy Andrew a while back, he works in the city and is a wealthy fellow, and asked him what he was doing for the night.
He ends up inviting us to this super exclusive restaurant/rooftop bar, I can't remember the name. It's like 9pm when this happens and we're like in sweats. So we start getting ready and aren't done until 11, and then he texts us and cancels. So we're sitting there, dressed to the nines, with nothing to do. So she hits up her promoter friends. We plan to go to Haus, a club in the city, and then try to call an uber under my friend's dad's credit card.
There's a long history of issues there that I'm not going to hash up but we end up having to drive. It's nearing 12pm when we get on the road and for obvious reasons we're not happy about this. I'm not someone who will get in the car with a drunk driver. And she's tiny so I'm thinking that I'll sober up before she does. I tell her we'll stay in the city and grab bagels before we drive back home so we'll be sober.
The holland tunnel has a thousand freaking detours so we get to city so so late. At this point the promoters are like where the fuck you at bruh. But like, in plainer english. We get to the city, find parking by some strike of luck, and go to Haus. Her promoter friend gets us in but is pissed cause we're late AF and ditches us. So a little while later she's like lets go to Riff Raff, another club where one of her friends can get us in. We leave and start walking to the car, and these two guys in suits are standing on the corner and go, "Let's follow them."
So I start laughing cause like hell if we know where we're going or what we're doing you know. And the one guy, who we later find out is Duke, says, "Why are you laughing?" So I tell him, and then tell him we're headed to Riff Raff, and he and his friend, later to become Devon, are like we'll join you, and I'm like okay, we're driving. We walk back to the car, and we're all chatting away. Devon is super cute, and Duke is crazy AF. He tells me he's they're both adult film actors.
I'm like yeah okay, I literally go, "Show me one of your films then." And he's like, "Which one?" And I'm like, "I don't know. Any." So he makes up some title. And then I go, "What's your specialty?" And he's like, "Satisfaction." So I'm like BYEEE.
While we're in the car I learn their names. Duke is putting the moves on me but I'm feeling Devon you know like that's really annoying. So I'm trying to remain neutral in my flirting. When we get to Riff Raff my friend's ID gets declined so the guys bribe the bouncer to get her in. Now in the car she made a comment about her credit card being declined and then we didn't have any money to get into this club. I don't like the implications behind guys paying for my things, like drinks and getting in places, because it makes me feel in debt to them, like I owe them, which obviously I know I don't.
Irregardless, I'm into Devon so I'm happy to hook up with him if he wants to. But a bunch of shit goes down, and that no longer becomes an option. While we're at Riff Raff Brooke is texting Andrew who invites us out with him to another exclusive club Tau. He even sends an uber to pick us up. So we meet him and his friend Eric, who is a pro soccer player for the NY Redbulls.
While at Tau, we both drink some and dance, and I end up making out with Eric. He's cute but I didn't look at him and instantly feel attraction, you know. We take an uber back to what I thought was Andrew and Eric's apartment, but I later found out was only Andrew's apartment, and they tell us they're buying pizza (but that doesn't happen either). I end up in what I, also, was led to believe was Eric's bedroom, and we're hooking up in his bed.
As always I like to clarify my lack of experience. I've kissed, counting Eric, five boys. Still a virgin. I've given one blow job and I was SUPPERRRR wasted when that happened. I've never been naked in front of a guy. I've never done anything, really, other than kiss. I've never even had a hickey, which for some reason is my biggest grievance with my lack of experience.
So I'm hooking up with Eric in his bed, and his clothes start coming off. Which is fine. I'm not like offended by his body, you know. I'm also sobering up and I just don't hook up with people sober. I'm too awkward for that. A lot of shit goes down in his bed. He takes my dress off, which is fine cause like I'm cool with my body too. And then my bra comes off and then he asks to go down on me.
I literally.
I was just. I was like "No."
And he was like "No?" And I'm like "No way. Yeah no. I don't like that." And he's like "You don't like that?" And I'm like "Well, I've never done it but I don't think I want to try." He goes on to convince me that I should, that he really wants, and he's like just ten seconds so I let him. A lot of my friends have given me positive stories about this, but I just don't - can't see it. It was so uncomfortable. I literally laid there and was like thinking about everything but sex. I was hoping he'd be done. And I felt so much pressure to pretend I was enjoying it but I wasn't you know!
Meanwhile, Andrew and Brooke I assumed were hooking up. But then Brooke barges in the room, and is like "Andrew is fucked up he needs you Eric!" I put my clothes back on and go see what's up. It was honestly like Andrew got drugged. It was nuts. He kept throwing up. I've never seen a guy be that fucked up in my life.
Eric kept going to help him but like between that would drag me back to his room to hook up. I told him up front when we were in bed the first time I wasn't going to have sex, that I hadn't done it and it wasn't going to happen tonight (or this morning since it was like six am). The last time we ended up in bed he asked me if I would blow him. I didn't outright say no, but I weighed the decision verbally to him. i was like, "I've done that once, and I was super drunk I don't even know if I know what to do and I'm kinda sober now" but I kind of wanted to try it because I'm psycho. This is probs the most unpopular opinion but I really don't think they're all that bad. I can see how with the wrong guy, with the wrong grooming techniques, it could suck but I did it and I didn't enjoy but I didn't hate it.
My friend kept coming in and asking for Eric to help Andrew, or saying she wanted to go so eventually we were like we gotta stop. Or I was. Eric was happy to continue. He wanted to CUDDLE with me. I was like yeah no. He was like "I'd happily go to sleep right now and wake up to you naked" I was like that is a fucking line if I ever heard one.
I feel like there was more to this story, but I want to tell you guys about Saturday and this is getting long AF.
Saturday we ended up in the city again, this time Brooke, her friend Chrissy, for a minute Chrissy's friend Kendall and me. We went to a few places but had trouble getting in and ended up a dingy hookah bar. Chrissy left with her friend and it was just Brooke and I. She said that night we probs wouldn't see Andrew and Eric, who we thought would be with him. But Andrew started texting her and was like I'm getting a uber and coming to you guys. She tells me that he's bringing his friends, and that one of them looks like Nate Archibald. She calls Andrew Chuck and his best friend is Nate.
So we're outside the hookah lounge in her car waiting and the three of them start walking up and get in the car. I kid you not my whole body lit up like the fourth of July. This guy was so damn cute. Andrew says hi to me and apologizes for getting fucked up as hell. I introduce myself to his friend, and his brother, Isaac and Stephen respectively.
I could probably write a whole blog on Isaac. I shouldn't because let's not encourage my stupid feelings. But he has the most beautiful blue eyes. So funny. He had me laughing the whole car ride. Super nice. He's half jewish so the reason he wasn't with Andrew and Eric was because of Shabbat. We went back to their apartment and Stephen had ordered pizza from the restaurant chain his family owns so it was there when we got there. I got the cutest pic of Isaac and I sitting side by side eating pizza and I was wearing his shirt cause I went into his room and was making fun of him and put it on.
Hew as really cute guys. Ugh. I'm like replaying it and I hate it all. Damn cute boys. So after pizza, Brooke disappeared with Andrew into his room. Chrissy was pissed because when she left us at the hookah lounge she needed us to come pick her up and we were mad because she was the one who left us and then we had to play uber and go get her and she wanted to go home. I knew she wasn't going to hook up with Stephen, which was like stupid because he was such a cutie but she's being bitchy af about the whole thing.
Isaac and I were on the couch for a bit and then we went back to his room and started hooking up. Like the craziest shit happened. I was kissing him for like a minute maybe and he suddenly went for my skirt and pulled it up and took my underwear off and went down on me so fast I literally was like Whahhhahah Explain to me how both Eric and Isaac are Katniss Everdeen I volunteer when it comes to oral sex. I thought guys hated going down on girls??? I literally was like he needs to stop, I hate this he's gotta stop. But then it didn't suck and I was like what. is. this. sorcery. Like I don't know whats worse (Probably I do) not enjoying it or actually enjoying it.
Also I was stone cold sober and I don't hook up with people sober. And like really these are important rules. I don't hook up with the same person twice and I don't hook up sober and I don't take their numbers, and prefer to never see them again and that's how I ensure I don't catch feelings. And I'm sitting here stalking this kid on facebook right now. When I finally went to bed I dreamt that he was spewing me (FUCKING SPOONING ME LIKE WTH I HATE SPOONING) and he was kissing the back of my neck and was like, "I want to see you on Wednesday and friday, and the next wednesday and the next friday and thanksgiving" and basically was asking me to be his girlfriend.
Like Houston we have a problem. Seriously. I can't like him. Okay it's irrational and its stupid but what if I do see him again right and I hook up with him again what's to stop me from sleeping with him you know?
Forget I said all that. I'm being dumb. Anyway. So I'm in bed with Isaac. We move on to making out and then I end up on top of him and I undo his pants (which was like one part nerve wracking because he had on a belt and I couldn't get the zipper at one point but also one part empowering because I was in control completely) and then I blow him. He says something about me being good at it and I'm like, "Third times the charm" so he pulls me up to him and is like "Third time?" and I'm like "yeah I've only ever blown two other guys" And he's like wowed by that.
We start making out, and both of us are like bottomless and I'm still straddling him and I'm like probably should say something now. So I tell him I can't, or won't, have sex with him. He's like why, of course, because they always want to know why which is like honestly offensive like I don't need a reason why I can just not want to have sex you know but I tell him it's because I've never had sex. He doesn't believe that, well he does but he's like shocked by this.
My mouth starts running and I'm like, "I've only kissed five guys, well six counting you." And he's like no way and then he asked me who the first guy was. So I tell him and go that was two summer's ago when I was eighteen. And then I'm like, the second and third was last summer, and the fourth was a few months ago, and the fifth was well Eric. And he's like, "Eric's my best friend." And I'm like "I know I didn't mean to hook up with you. I wasn't going to because he's your friend." And he's like, "Well why did you hook up with me?" And I'm like, "because you're cute" and then I go "And you're jewish and I've never kissed a jewish boy" and he like laughs at me because I've been making jokes about him being jewish all night.
At some point I started running through all the things I just did, and I'm like, "Wow so you're the first jewish boy I've kissed and the first jewish boy I've given a blow job. And ha wow" and he's like "What?" And I like tap his face and go, "I'm not going to give you that much of an ego boost" And he's like, "Well now you have to tell me." And I'm like, "No I don't think I do." So he like coaxes me and so I say, "That was the biggest dick I've ever blown." And he gives me this smile that could knock the stars out of the sky I kid you not. Also he kept giving me like peck kisses like sweet closed mouth kisses and I'm like you need to stop or I'm going to punch you. You pretty blue eyed jewish boy.
Before we ended up in bed together I was talking about cooking because the boys only have egg whites in their fridge and I was like I'm a master chef. I make sauce from scratch, I can make chicken parm, and like the list goes on. While we're in bed talking he says something about Eric, and I'm like "I'll never be seeing him again. It's a rule." So he asks what I mean and I tell him my rules and I'm like, "Which I'm breaking because I'm sober right now." And he's like, "Why are you breaking your rules then?" And I'm like, "Because as soon as I saw you I was attracted to you." He's like, "Well you have to come back and cook for me, so you'll be seeing me again. Send me the grocery list."
So then Brooke texted me and was like I'm tired. And I was like to him we're gonna have to get dressed, and he was like five more minutes so I texted her five more minutes. And he's like still hard so I was like, "Can you ... like finish ..." I gestured to his dick "in five minute?" And he's like, yeah, so I climbed back aboard and started blowing him and honestly, at that point I was pretty sure I would forever enjoy giving blow jobs. They're not that bad! At least, with him it wasn't. Before I did this though, I was like, "I've never like gotten to the finish point I don't know if I can handle it" lol literally I said something like this like what is wrong with me
And he's like, "You don't have to." And I'm like "No I want to I just don't know if I can. Like either I take this like a champion or I fucking die." He starts laughing and I'm being dead serious. Like spitters are quitters, right but I have no idea what actually goes into swallowing. And I've got pizza and alcohol in my stomach so good chance I could just throw up you know.
Either way. I do it. I'm a champ. He tells me for someone so inexperienced I'm good at kissing and all that. Which is always nice to hear. I'm literally like flushed and my hair is A FUCKING MESS. Like I looked like sex hit me with a frying pan. And he's all no you look good and I'm like are you insane. So I go to the bathroom and use on the guys brushes on my hair and make myself look halfway like a human.
We chill with them in the living room and its whatever, we end up leaving a little bit later. Our goodbye is super awkward because I'm an awkward person. I literally walk out of the living room and am like thanks for having us, thanks for the pizza bye and my friend looks at me like I'm psycho. Which I, admittedly, am. So then he like hugs me goodbye and I'm so awkward like I literally balked away from him.
And then I got back to jersey at 9am, and went to sleep only to wake up at 4 with my both parents calling me pissed and now I'm in trouble yay.
This is the longest blog ever I'm embarrassed.
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