Day Two | Oh so Sad

Yay well for day two of the 30 day blog challenge the topic is -

How have you changed in the past 2 years?

Well, not a whole lot I am afraid. and that really sad because I had wanted to have improved so much by now. No that is not art or writing wise (well yes in that too) but as far as what's going on in my life and my personality. I wanted to be more independent, I wanted to be more social, I wanted to kick my social phobia and yet. I am only just now after 3 years finally getting to see my psychologist again to start working on it. I am still heavily dependent on my cousins, best friend, and mother to handle the "others" as I say jokingly trying to make it lighter. to make it seem less serious than it really actually is.

Added to that I am still very unhealthy not in like weight (although that too) but in how I live. I used to live off of fruits and veggies and that made me mentally and physically happy now it seems all I live off of is sugar and fake stuff. because it's easier, simpler, faster and cheaper.

Socially I have lost many friends, some do to past drama, others do to my current Dude and how they feel that we just are not right for each other when it feels to me as if we are perfectly imperfect. Others slipped away as they moved on with their lives to run towards their dreams and away from us who have gotten our feet stuck in traps.

Aside from those things, I suppose when I think about it I changed a little bit.

Like I have noticed I am softer now, more feminine with the things that I do and say. I've always been on the cutesy side and heavily optimistic, but for years I was very tomboyish (not that that is gone, it's still very much there and comes out more around my guys :3) and dark...like really dark I used to scare my family and friends with it at times, but I do take anti- depressants and destressers for a reason yeah? but I am not in that dark place nearly as much anymore. So that's a good change!

I've gotten sappy, I cry more. both sad and happy things will make me ball now. I don't know when this happened I used to be a rock. I also like dressing up now and going out with friends to lively places like clubs, bars, concerts and things like that. I used to only like camping, hiking, and things like that. still do but now my activities are branching out.

I can when people are flirting with me now! I used to be cluuuuuueless and now I can tell. It figures that I can tell now that it means nothing and is useless because my heart is now taken by a beautiful boy.

I am now more willing to work for what I want, even if I know it will take forever. I now understand that dreams will always stay dreams until you wake up and pursue them. Make them happen. I may be far behind my peers but I am now more hell bent of achieving my dreams than I was 2 years ago.

So I guess while I have not changed a lot, I have changed some. Taking steps to turning into the butterfly soul I dream of being. Inch on little catterpillar me!