In Limbo

In Limbo
So University has finished for the year and its that time of the year, those 1/2 months where everything is just in limbo, because of my part time job I cant go anywhere like away to see friends or back home, and because of my course this year in the summer Im almost fixed up here until August. At the moment during the week I dont really do much, I workout every single day and then study for a couple of hours a day, then I might learn some more guitar. I usually take the dog out if its nice, but its never nice because its Aberdeen, so depressingly I usually stay indoors.
Now and again I might see my mates, like last night I went for a meal with my mate Daniel, which is always nice. But James has gone home, Fergus has gone home, Ella is practically married, Daniel has a full time job. I am very very lonely up here, if it wasnt for my amazing animals I think id slowly lose my mind.
I do a lot around the house aswell. Mums been made redundant so Im trying my best to be the best son I can for her, helping out around the house, doing little things to try and improve her mood which obviously is very low. Shes been through so much so I dont think this will get her down too much. She gets back up, she moves forward, she improves. I know where I get my forward driven attitude from!!

Missing Home
Recently I have really started to miss home, I dont miss the area, I miss my friends and my family so so so so much. I miss the times me and Dad would go out for lunch, I miss going for breakfast with my grandparents, and I miss the days out with my friends. Everything I currently do in terms of work is driven forward by the fact I get to spend all of August back home one last time. That feeling of waking up and knowing that I get to drive home, albeit 12 hours, back home is amazing. Parking up on Dads drive and running in to hug him, me usually crying and him laughing, its the best feeling in the world and it drives me forward.
I have the best friends in the world, I love them all so much and obviously being so far away from them is hard, but Id like to think it makes us stronger. I see them 2/3 times a year, and its never awkward, we would meet up and it would be like ive never been away, my friends are very very special and if I ever had the chance to spoil each and every one of them then one day Id love to.

Losing motivation
Weird for me this. The last 3 months or so Ive had this burning desire and motivation to continuously work hard, with this ridiculous motivation to become self employed. A couple of weeks ago I finished University, and a couple days after that its like somebody has flicked a switch in me, Ive lost almost all forms of motivation, its a very weird feeling. My theory is because University has finished, my mind knows that all I can do at the moment is work hard and look forward to going home and competing this course I have to do - which is what Im doing. Becoming self employed is something that at the moment, is impossible, especially with next year at University aswell. But one day yes, it is my dream to become self employed, I have this idea that I know can become successful and profitable in almost every city. But for now, my motivation is going home to spend 3/4 weeks with my special friends and family, being there for mum, spoiling my dog and cat with luxuries, and working hard whenever I do have work.

Things to look forward to
Theres an awful lot to look forward to. Sadly I had to sell my Coldplay tickets, luckily for a £50 profit, so thats £250 coming back into my pocket. This weekend is my last weekend of work at my part time workplace, I have one early shift left on Saturday, and the feeling of that being over will lift so much pressure off my shoulders. Ive slowly started to hate the early shift whereas 2/3 years ago Id love them, Ive developed a sleeping disorder and working early shifts destroys me. I cant wait until its over. Then on Sunday its a normal day shift, and then I will be working 2/3 days a week in midweek with normal shift times until the end of my course, where then I will hand in my notice and relax for a couple days before driving back home in August.
I have a gig next month aswell, Im off to see the stone roses with james which is something thats going to be amazing. Im getting the train down on tuesday before going for dinner with him, then waking up on wednesday and having an all day bender before going to the gig, then getting the train back up on thursday.
My course then starts on the friday and is every single weekend, apart from luckily, the T in the Park weekend.
So me and James along with a couple other friends have signed up to Festaff for T in the Park, where we get there a day earlier and work 2 shifts, in return we get free tickets, showers, more camping space and lots more. If it was up to me I wouldnt work, but I have a feeling it could be very fun and no doubt it will be lots of fun socially aswell. Im really looking forward to that.
In August its also my cousins wedding, so that will be a very special day, but I dont know too much about that yet.

Girl wise, there is absolutely nothing still, I would secretly like another girlfriend but its not a burning desire, Im in the waiting room just waiting for the next special girl to walk into my life. Id only ever get into a relationship if she really was special and made me feel special and there arent many people like that around, like previous relationships, I usually know straight away deep down that they are going to be my girlfriend even when I first meet them, so thats when I will know again, and I havent felt it since my last girlfriend! Crazy.