Relationships

In a short few days, I will be at my longest relationship. Hitting two long years with the same infuriating man is a strong feat for me. And being only twenty-three, I'm pretty proud of myself. I'm not great at relationships and this one has been a roller coaster of fucked up shit. Mostly on my part, honestly.

But having him living with me, under the same roof and seeing his face every single day. I've realized some things. Of course I realized this while laying wide awake in our shared bed at midnight while he's snoring in my ear...but..

This is what relationships look like. People ranging from 16 on up need to open their eyes and see how it really is. Actually, the younger crowd needs to realize the truth. Because watching those cute little movie couples isn't it. Not at all.

Being with someone is fucking rough, man. No matter if you're an expert in dating or you have crippling commitment issues.

It's not sunshine and rainbows. Your partner isn't thinking about you every single minute, they aren't always going to smile when they see your face or hear your name. You heart won't always skip when they talk, smile or look at you. There's going to be days when you see them and you want to throw something at their face.
It's not dreaming of them every night.
It's not laughter and warmth and kisses.
It's not always satisfying sex and gripping hands.

There's bad points, you're gonna wish they'd shut the fuck up or move out of your way. Their endearments are going to get old and you're gonna feel like you're about to explode.

You're gonna get sick of how they do daily things. And having them move in or live together? Jesus, mind as well hope for the worst.

Doing their laundry? Yeah, it's not all cute and splitting it between you two. You're gonna have to do about three loads of theirs mixed with yours....and you're probably gonna have to fold it and put it away too. And buying that pretty waste basket in the corner of the bathroom or bedroom? Forget about that bullshit. Those nasty socks are gonna be in every corner of the room, maybe even the fucking ceiling fan.

I watched my man put on a nice pair of boxers that night.. the next morning, they were on the bathroom floor. What the fuck, they were clean!

"I did three loads of your laundry today..." It's now 10pm. "Did you get your clothes from the dryer?"
"Oh shit, you did laundry? Sorry babe, can you grab them for me?"

Yep.

Working? Say bye bye to good conversations. Especially if you both work different schedules. I've been working nights. He works mornings. We barely see each other. And when I finally come home and he's up and wanting to talk, I want to literally rip his tongue out.

There's no flowers leading to your bathroom full of perfect amount of bubbles, chocolate and candles. You get half cold McDonalds food with whatever soda he has stashed in his little mini fridge. It's watching Markiplier videos at 10:30pm until one of you topples over in exhaustion.

It's not good shit. It's not the best thing and you're not gonna shine with happiness every single damn day.

That's not love.

That's fairy tale bullshit.

Of course, there are the times when everything is perfect and unicorns were shitting out glitter.
But once you hit that 'oh damn, he chews like a llama' or 'wow, she has 10 cats and cries over Bucky Barnes' then you're one step closer to that real shit.

But it's good stuff too.
Because they're your best friend.
Shit, they're all you have.
Yes, you have your family and your friends.
But they...they come first (unless you have kids)

He's gonna be there when you had a shitty day at work and your boss yelled at you for putting two UPC's on a bag of fish.
He's gonna be there when your so called best friend shoves you out of their life so they can be skinny and move on from the likes of you.
When your parents argue and you can't turn to anyone.
When your cats die.
When you can't think properly and you want to run away.
Hell, when you break up with him and start dating someone else.
He's gonna be there.

Because he's your best friend and that love runs so damn deep it's practically a part of your soul.

It's staying up late eating cold McDonalds watching Markiplier.
It's discussing your cat over and over and hoping his giant monster dog likes your cat.
It's bets and laughs and cute jokes.
Finishing each others sentences and thoughts.
Knowing their feelings and moods.
Pretending to like whatever they fancy because you like when they get motivated. Even if it's nonsense and you really know this won't last.
It's stealing the 3 ball from a billards table because it was your three month anniversary.
Putting money aside to have an arcade night away from your town and out by the beach.
It's helping with finances because you know your partner deserves that jeep or their parents are desperate.
It's fucking getting out of that comfort zone and letting them in.

It's a cluster fuck of emotions but it's worth it.

It's worth the fights about his mother.
The trying to get you to understand 'yes Sam, you want to break up but you love me and you're being stubborn as shit'.
How to raise his dog.
Its worth seeing him get out of his comfort zone and strive for something else.

Because in the end, it's you and your partner.
If you don't see them in your future, then it's not right to drag them along.
The future means a wedding, and babies and when he decides he needs to find a younger woman. Or you a younger man. When you doubt and he threatens to take the kids. Or the car breaks down but you have three payments coming up and you cant get to work. It's watching your kids move away and now you have a giant fucking house and it's too damn quiet. It's watching their looks get wrinkly and grey hair or no hair. It's health problems. It's losing your own parents or siblings. It's sadness and happiness. Betrayal and loyalty. It's everything terrifying and thrilling.

And one day, you're gonna lose them. Or the other way around.

Think about that, think about them passing away and leaving you behind. No matter if you're 25 or 99. Does it hurt? Do your eyes burn with hot tears? Maybe your heart aches and burns?

It's no walk in the park, kids.
It's a motherfucking hurricane but hell, it's worth all that wind and hail and that calm moment in the middle, as long as you're with them.

They might be fucking annoying as all hell and you're gonna hurt each other feelings.
But there's a strong bond with you two and nothing really can ever cut that.