Climbing Back Up.

Hello everyone!

I'm not sure if some of you still remember me, but to those who do... I'm sure we've known each other for a very long time. And most of you know that my teenage years were pretty rough. I didn't post much about it, I only told those who were close to me.

Well, before I met my boyfriend (I've known him for 4 years) in real life 3 years ago, I was dating a horrible person. I had no clue he was twotiming and I was just a second girlfriend. I'd been dating him for about 4 years before I started getting anxiety attacks because I KNEW there was something going on that I didn't know about. Those 3 out of 4 years I had an eerie feeling something was up, but I didn't know what.

And then I found out he was still dating that "ex" he vaguely told me about after I FORCED him to spill who that girl was on twitter. I found out about so many things that I wish I knew sooner. I wasted 4 years. I was his, but he was never mine. I send him letters and gifts, but in all those years, he never returned the favor. He ditched me for his video games, he'd hide things from me.

It was the second relationship that broke me, but by far the most painful one. It left me wondering if all men were like him, and I was afraid to trust anyone.

But only when I met my current boyfriend for the first time, (he lives in Australia and well, I live in Holland) that's when I knew I had to break it off and also that I started liking him. The love of my life had always been so close to me, yet I had no idea.

He is a wonderful person, weird and nerdy like me. He's always been my shoulder to cry on when things went downhill with my (ex) boyfriend. It was like love at first sight. His eyes, his personality, his smile. It all turned my world around and I was so afraid to tell him.

But hey, I thought, I had nothing to lose; well maybe except for that special friendship we had. But no, things went so different from what I thought, he developed a slight crush on me because he'd always thought I was funny, kind and special and that I deserved much more than my ex. And he was right. We gradually starting loving each other til the point we can barely love more.

And I've been crawling back onto my feet.

I started off being suicidal, scared, anxious. Some people broke me, mentally. I took everything out on myself, thinking it was my fault. But I found out it's not. It's not my fault, I was just a victim, trying to be loved.

And now I am loved. And happy.

Never give up; there's always someone out there who wants you to smile.