A time you thought you would end your life
I don''t really like talking about this. It's a hard thing to talk about. But, I feel like I wouldn't get judged too harshly here, so I'll tell this story.
No one in my family knows what I was going through, I was literally suffering in silence.
In high school (grade nine) I met this guy named Mitch. (whoa...it feels weird writing his name out...) He was a nice guy, the type of guy most girl wanted. He played guitar, was in a band and was some what popular. He had long brown hair pretty fit and at the time I thought he was very good looking.
He was also my first love.
We were together for three and half years. We had fun together and it was very rare for us to be seen without one another.
Well, after two years of being together the abuse started. To him, I was always 'bitch' and 'stupid' to him. He liked to make me feel guilty about stuff that he would say and do to me. And at the time, I believed him. One day we were out with friends at this hangout spot called 'Foundations'. It was a place that would stay open till 12am for kids to go to keep them off the streets and feed them. I would cook soups and make coffee and whatnot.
Well, one day I was playing a song on the piano they had, it was the Titanic song my friend had taught me and I was obsessed with playing it, it's the only song I know how to play. As I'm playing, Mitch stops me and say's "You're playing it wrong, it's this note.." and he showed me. But I knew he was wrong because I had played this song with my friend so many times. So I told him that he was wrong and then we started arguing over it.
See...Mitch is the type of guy who is always right and you are wrong. Even when I proved to him he was wrong, he was still right.
Well, that arguing caused me to raise my voice a little and the next thing I know, I was back handed on my right cheek.
It still effects me to this day, and I don't know why...
That was the first time, and it was like it opened up this door for him. I stopped playing that song on the piano. I think that's why I stopped learning how to play piano.
Anytime he and I would argue, I would get smacked, and soon I got abused every other day.
Close to the end of our relationshit, I had to go to New Brunswick to say goodbye to my great grandmother who was dying. While I was there, Mitch cheated on me with one of our friends. I don't think to this day, he knows I knew about it.
After we broke up, he started telling people bullshit stories about me and got every one of our friends to stop talking to me. The only person who saw through Mitch's lies was one person. She was the only person who stuck beside me, because she knew he lied about almost everything. That was he did. He lied about everything even during our relationshit.
When I lost all my friends and my first love, because I did love him, I lost my virginity to him. My grandmother had just died, nasty rumors started going around about me, then I was told I wasn't going to graduate, my mom was...crazy to say the least and we didn't get along at all
I was done
I didn't want to deal with it all anymore. It was too much, people were told stuff about me that were not true and it hurt. I was going through a lot and I couldn't handle it.
So when my parents and brother were out I started cutting. I was done.
But I don't know why I stopped, something inside me was telling me this wasn't my time and that I had so much more to live for. I couldn't let Mitch win, I had to show him, I was better off without him.
So I stopped cutting.
But that day I was ready to go.
Mitch still lives at home with his parents he's almost 30 and works at a liquor store. He failed college, and the girl he cheated on me with, they stayed together for a while and then she ended up cheated on him and got married less then a year later. He's a dirt bag and always will be.