Do you ever had your heart broken? Does it feel like this?

Tell me, how do you get over someone that you really like but never get to tell them, and then they start to hate and avoid you.. maybe because he knew i like him from someone else or because i was avoiding him..how do you get over that?

I tried a lot of things, talking, make myself hate him by conjuring up disgusting, hateful memories.. singing out the pain, writing out in journals.. even crying day to night. Sometimes the pain stops, and then after a few days.. even at the sight of other couples i remembered him, and then the whole pain starts tearing my insides violently.

Am I obsessed? Or just because I am lonely and desperate or whatever? I am not comfortable talking face to face with anybody about this.. My friends may even think I am very weak, or desperate or something. I feel so ..low and really helpless.My parents would think I am obsessed about the opposite sex, when I am not.

I just cannot accept that I like him and that we are not talking to each other anymore. The reason I didn't wanna talk to him was because of him anyway. I was getting really distraught that my studies were going down, my relationships with other people were strained because all I could think of is him. Its even disgusting to remember it right now. I mean, I feel so stupid just wasting a lot of time thinking about him. I didn't want to vent my anger on him, cause I know he had been through a lot. For what putting on more weight on his shoulder right? I wanted to tell him the true problem, that I just cannot be friends with him with all these feelings inside of me. Moreover, the longer I am friends with him, the more I would try and get closer. That's just wrong, cause I don't want to hook up with anybody or intesify my feelings cause I need to focus on my future.

Damn.

And when I just avoid him, the whole thing just gets worse. The pain intensified. And he is just getting all along fine.

Maybe I am just a stupid, desperate, lonely bitch. (sorry about the vulgarity.)

what do you think?