A Letter for All My Buried Feelings

JW,

I think this letter has been a little late in coming out, I've been trying to bury my feelings for the last 2 years but I think it is time to say how I truly feel.

I am still angry at you for how you made me feel during our relationship and for how you convinced me that I had anxiety all that time we were together. I am angry that you valued your pride over doing the right thing and convinced me to stay with you when I initially proposed we separate only for you to break up with me about 1 month later. You had your chance to get out and you used it to slap me in the face instead.

I really wished you had been honest with me because I don't feel like you were towards the end of our relationship or even when breaking up with me. I would have respected you more if you had told me there was someone else rather than telling me that I was a crazy person and you couldn't handle it. I never even believed you when you kept telling me you still loved me even when broken up cause I knew you were saying anything to make yourself feel better. You should have saved your breath because I stopped loving you a long time before that point.

I also wish you had been honest about your insecurities or at least used them to motivate you to be a better person rather than taking out your frustrations and disappointment on me. I wish you had been happy for my successes during our time together; part of the reason I didn't want to talk to you was because I felt that if I shared my successes with you, it would make you feel sad and less adequate. Normal people are happy for their loved ones during their successes and support them during the hard times. Why couldn't you have been happy for me or support me?

I am angry because I know you never kept our relationship to the two of us but you brought in a 3rd person who should never have been there in the first place. You knew about her feelings for you and the strain it put on my friendship with her yet you still kept divulging intimate details of our relationship to her. I am angry that you always put your friendship with her over your relationship with me and that you always put your friendships over your relationship with me. What was the point of me being there if you were just going to do that to me all the time? I was so sick of you telling me how crazy I got over things anyone else would have a right to be angry about. I was so fucking sick of you making me feel like I had to cover up my emotions in front of your friends.

I am angry that I wasted 3 years of my life with you. I am angry with myself for not having ended it sooner because ultimately I would have realised sooner that I was normal. I am disappointed in myself even more so now because I still feel a pang of sadness whenever I think about our relationship and how it ended. I feel sad because before our relationship I did consider you a friend and I thought we would have been good friends in the long run.

I am glad you ended it because my life is ultimately better without you in it. I want you to know that I have a successful life now - I have a great job where I get to work with awesome people. The anxiety I used to have has disappeared, I worry less and I am generally happier. I have a great relationship with someone who doesn't dismiss my feelings and actually cares about how I feel.

I hope you treat your new girlfriend well and don't make the same mistakes you did with me. I really do hope I never get to see you again.

S.