So the other week my course started, its hard, its really hard, and Sunday is assessment day where we have to do 2 theory tests and a practical exam, Im praying for a minor miracle because I am nervous, but I think once we get started it will be alright, Im fairly confident in myself. If I fail I fail, and I will just do it again, but the plan is to pass, and then have a good time at T in the Park.
Its difficult, because Im working so much at the moment it leaves me almost no time at all to practice what Im doing to say or do on the day, previously Ive winged it all, going way back to school, Im confident that on the day Im able to pull of something magical. My only days off this week are Wednesday and Saturday, and on Wednesday I need to take my car for its MOT, so that already wipes out 2 hours of my time.
I will go over it in the morning and again in the evening, then again on Saturday, mixed in with a lot of theory learning. And then maybe say a little prayer on saturday night to whoever may be listening. Its worked in the past. Im confident with most of it, Id say the only thing I majorly struggle with is naming the muslces, which I have to do before each exercise, its quite daunting, but Im fairly confident that I will be okay, Im with a nice chap aswell who on the day Im sure will provide me with confidence, as always I will add some humour in there to help ease nerves. I have my fingers and toes crossed, and then on Tuesday James is coming up here, before we all go off to T in the Park on Wednesday. Im really looking forward to that, it will be good to wind down and have some fun with my mates for a bit. Then, IF I pass my course I have more of the same in July to gain the fully diploma, and I will be so happy with myself if I can achieve that.
The other night I watched England, and that put me in a rotten mood for today, I wont talk too much about it, nothing needs to be said, the manager should be ashamed of himself, the players are at fault, but the manager chooses the players and chooses the system in which we play, and frankly, we didnt have a system, it was a shambles.
On tuesday I got a text from mum saying shed made a vets appointment at 6.20 for Chips, my 18 year old cat who ive grown up with. The past week hes slowly fallen apart, his hind legs were giving in and the tumour on his nose had eaten part of the flesh away. It was annoying because I had work until 7, and I knew full well what the vet was going to say.... I told my manager and she said I could go whenever I wanted, so I left at 6, and for whatever god given reason there was no traffic for the first time in Aberdeen. I got there at around 6.30, and the first thing I heard the vet say was that she thinks its time for us to let him go, it felt like fate, it felt like that day was supposed to turn out this way. I kneeled down to see him and kiss him on the forehead one last time, holding on to his paw which is something he loves, as he always grabs my hand back as if he knew I wanted to hold his hand, when she was explaining the process of his death I put my head down and didnt stop crying. Mum was in tears aswell.
Ive had animals put down before but this was so much different, he was my cat, he was my little man and he would always, every single day come up to me for a cuddle, and for 18 years he was always there, I havent known a life without him being there really.
I never let his paw go once, the tears slowly reduced, and Ive never seen anything die so peacefully, I knew it was time he was put down and I think chippo himself couldnt have clung on to life much longer, it was the best thing to do.
After that Mum took him home and as soon as I got into my car I burst into tears again, my car is usually where I break down, I like to be on my own, I dont like people to see me at my lowest.
We took him home and buried him later, and I felt relieved he was finally out of his misery. It was a very sad day.
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