I Haven't Written in Over Three Months | Life, in General

Like, what am I even doing here anymore, one might ask...

I really miss it. I miss late nights in bed typing mush on my phone. I miss thinking about how the next few chapters will go all day long. I miss trying to think of how to connect the parts I want to add in to the ending I've already got in my head.

I miss gushing over men twice my age, across water, happily married, with kids...

Actually I still do that, but I miss doing it in prose.

I have all these really tiny ideas for stories but I can't stay interested enough in one single idea to expand it into a story, or even a short story. Maybe a drabble, but I sort of want to write something longer. I want something to think about.

Real life has got in the way a bit, I'm afraid. I just finished my degree. I'm currently working on getting my licence, and looking at accounting/auditing jobs for graduates. My bird needed his new cage set up. I'm trying to sort out what the fuck is happening with my face. I need to go shopping for "adult" clothes.

And a part of me realises that my friend and I broke up around 3 months ago, give or take, and that that probably took a toll on that creative, love-hungry side of my brain.

Ugh.

And this has all sprung from the fact that The Bachelor started up again tonight and my mum watches that show, so I end up watching it with my bird on my knee, thinking, "wow, I'll never find someone that really cares to understand all of me".

I just want to write out all my frustrations at love and life in general but all my ideas are too vague. Or like, not even really ideas yet. They're colours and sounds. They're images and a certain glance.

I think what I'll do is finish up this here blog and think about my little ideas some more. I'll look through all the images I've saved for future reference, and think about all the songs that are influencing me right now. Maybe I'll blog about it tomorrow.

What will really happen however, is that I'll brush my teeth, play a few games of solitaire on my phone in bed and fall asleep, bored of the idea of writing after spending all this time thinking about it.

I'm exhausted, really. The very idea of having to go clothes shopping tomorrow is doing my head in. I hate hate hate clothes stores. I hate trying things on, especially because it's cold here at the moment. I hate stores in general. I'm one of those people much happier to shop online in my pjs on the couch. And I don't want professional attire. Boo.
July 27th, 2016 at 05:49pm