Candid Rambling Thoughts

I have so many things in my head that I'm not sure how to transfer them to paper. I just don't know how exactly to jot them down. Because when I do they don't seem so clear anymore. Or perhaps they aren't even clear in my head, they're just surface thoughts that I haven't boiled down yet…

I'm not sure if it's philosophical or not, but for a while I've been thinking how the brain works. The thoughts I have about it amaze me, the picture I have in my mind is probably silly but I can only think that everything in my head is what makes me who I am. There are just so many different facets, if that's even the right word. Everything happens so quickly, sometimes slowly, and the way I feel like I store my memories and ideas is just so chaotic. I really do need to figure out a way to better organize my mind.

Which brings me to the fact that I really want to learn how to meditate. I want to be able to calm myself. I want to know my brain. It's only been a day but I kind of think that I'm already starting to be able to focus more clearly now that I'm on T. I don't know…

Another thing I have been thinking of lately is about God. This is probably just one of my surface thoughts that I just haven't delved into yet, but I feel like God is a man made thing. I feel like everyone has a different idea of what or who God is. I feel like what it all boils down to is that in our minds we make God what we need God to be. I'm not religious, I don't consider myself spiritual, so these thoughts and ideas probably are weird or distorted, I don't know. The way I think of it is we as people have the ultimate power over our lives, that we have many different set paths and it all boils down to the choices we make. I feel like we are our own God.

To get off that topic and on to one that isn't as controversial, I've made the decision to spend the next two years here going to college. There are many different things I want to learn, from politics to journalism, to economics, along with many other things.

I really am excited to live my life. I'm excited to learn new things. I can't wait to see how my life unfolds. I can't wait to have my own apartment, to start my career, to interact with more people and find new friends.

I've never been this happy and it scares me. It's taken me years to get to this point and the idea that it could all come crashing down…

I don't know what I want to do with my life. And I know that that is okay.