Home - but Still Never Happy

Coming home
Ive been home now for 3 weeks, but it feels so so so so much longer, mainly because Im constantly doing stuff and seeing friends. On average I will see around 2/3 people a day, driving to various places, and thats usually after I go to the gym in the morning. I sleep so well - mainly because my mind is at ease, Ive been with people I love, I have a slight edge of happiness that isnt there back in Aberdeen.
Torquay and Devon is a lovely area of the world, the people in Devon are the best, it is literally the best county on earth.

In terms of opportunities to match the ambitions I have of becoming successful though, its impossible, theres nothing down here. One day, it would be very very nice to retire here, but thats all.

Seeing my friends has been amazing, it really has, Ive missed each and every one of them so much. And ofcourse - seeing Dad is always amazing, even if at times he drives me up the wall.
Jamie is my brother, and he always will be my closest friend. Jack is someone that reminds me of myself, and we get on so so well probably because we are so similar. Tasmin is special, the other Jamie is great. Josh is so funny. Jordan and Alex are great mates. Dan aswell. I have a lot of very very close friends that I would give an arm and a leg for and vice versa. Im a very lucky person.

Wedding
Whilst being down here it was also my cousins wedding, it was so weird to see her get married. But it was such a special day to see all the family together. I tell them what Im doing with my life and my plans and they look at me almost in awe and admiration as to how someone like me and where Ive come from can have such plans, they are so proud of me, but it doesnt make me feel anything at all emotionally.
I slowly got very drunk throughout the day along with most of the family, starting off in the Newton Abbot pub, ofcourse, in my kilt. Some of the looks I got were fantastic. The wedding flew by sadly, the day went so quickly, I had a nice catch up with so many of my family - a special family.
As I started to feel my self doze off in the ride home by my step dad, I finally got in to my Dad who told me Jamie had been round to see where I was due to the no signal at the wedding - he wanted to go out into town with me.
So, me being drunk, I took off everything, without my wallet and ID which I had left in Mums car I took £20 off Dad and went into town - the worst idea ive ever had. I cant remember sh*t.
All I remember is the disgusting 2 day hangover it left me with, on the Sunday I did nothing. Stayed in bed til 12, got up, watched the football, fell asleep, went back to bed at 9. Then on Monday I struggled heavily aswell. Being sober and healthy is so underrated when you feel like that.

Being single
Im lucky, I have so many close friends and I feel like Im slowly, very slowly, building towards my goals, but like before I feel there is a void left in my life that should be filled with a special girl. I feel like I am ready to love again and ready to give whoever it may be a very happy and fun relationship - because all my friends say that if anyone knows how to have fun and a good time, its me.
Im not going to lie, it gets to me, it brings me down. I feel like Im quite an attractive guy, Im clever, I dunno. Things happen for a reason but it does get to me. Ive been single now for nearly 2 years, a very long time in my books - yes Ive had a few flings and a few one night stands but its not the same. Having that company and that special someone in your life makes you so happy, and I feel that if I had that happiness and feeling in my life, with that support, I feel it would make me 10x the person I already am and push me even further towards my goals.
Everything does happen for a reason, and everything does balance itself out, but for a very very very long time now Ive felt this void, and its not a very nice feeling, it does get to me and when Im alone, usually in the car I could maybe cry about it, obviously I dont, but I could.

Business - my ambitions
I feel at times also my ambitions and dreams for my future business plans gets in the way of me having a normal life. Im constantly thinking and building things in my mind, doing things that other people arent, to get where I want to be. I sacrifice things that other 21 year olds probably wouldnt dream of doing. Yes, I also spoil myself, but my sacrifices are also bigger than other people my age. No doubt in my mind does that mean it stops me having a relationship and having that void filled, but I need mental stimulation, and I believe thats what I will go for, whenever it may be, probably never, as it seems like it and feels like it half the time.

Coming back up - Uni and work
Im soon to come back up to Aberdeen in a couple of weeks, with nothing to do within the first two weeks that gives me time to find a job within a gym and time to revise for my leftover exams that Im due to take in late September. I feel if I can use those two weeks efficiently, those exams wont be a problem at all.
Uni no doubt will be very hard, but this year I want to try and enjoy it more, because you never know what might come of it. Each year at Uni ive had the same approach, the same job every weekend, missing out on so much. This year has a different feel about it and I am genuinely very excited about it - its a nice place to be at, and currently for me, I feel like Im in a good place. If I had that special girlfriend, I feel like could almost be perfect in the current situation that Im faced with.

Being never happy
It all adds together though and it leaves me unhappy, I remember a couple weeks ago I was sat around a table with all my friends, and I thought to myself this is nice, Ive missed this, and I actually felt really happy. But I constantly look miserable, and thats because I am. Im constantly busy in my mind to build towards my goals that will take a lot of hard work and sacrifices that Im willing to take to get me where I want to be in life, Im constantly thinking, I never stop. Hand in hand with this void and this single life that brings me down, half the time Im usually very unhappy with my life but it doesnt stop me, I never stop and slump down. I always try to improve and grow, and I feel that slowly at the moment Im doing that.
I wanted to make 2016 memorable and a year to build towards my goals, and so far so good, but there is more hard work to be done. Bring it on.
August 25th, 2016 at 10:51pm