Why Am I Thinking of NaNo in August? | Hey Mibba, Long Time, No See.

I don't even know how to start this blog. I've been gone for such a long time that I doubt anyone actually remembers me, but I need to rant about my dumbass of a brain and I dreamt about Mibba last night, so... here I am.

What's happened since I was last here? Ab-so-lute-ly nothing. Publishing my first book has put me in a really, really bad head space when it comes to writing, and I've been unable to write anything since. The three novels that I wanted to focus on have become too hard because they're all potential publishing projects, and I've forgotten how to write for fun. I genuinely miss it, and I genuinely miss this place; waking up to find comments on my stories, being excited about what people would think of the next update, making layouts and talking to friends. It was all such a process but it ran so smoothly, and honestly, it was some of the best times I've had for years.

Those who know me somewhat well probably know that I've suffered from mental illnesses for well over a decade, and I guess that in all honesty, hitting rock-bottom in terms of my depression has ruined all motivation for doing the one thing that I used to love: write. I've been in and out of hospitals, had suicide attempts for the first time in years, but it hasn't ruined that special part in my mind where my characters get to go nuts. And that's why I'm writing this blog, I guess.

I've decided that perhaps the only way for me to get over my writer's block is by writing something with absolutely no pressure connected to it. Something that I'll never publish; that's just for fun, so that I don't feel overwhelmed by the pressure of perfection every time I open my documents. I'm sure I'm crazy rusty when it comes to writing anyway, but I thought that maybe if I posted it here, and did a simple plot with characters that I enjoy, I might be able to get back into the swing of things.

Well, a story very quickly unfolded in my head. It's sort of a dark comedy with fantastical elements, and of course, romance. Yep, a good ol' rom-com to shake the writer's block, but I want to take myself out of my comfort zone a little bit by making it a bit more mature. And by 'mature' I mean *wiggles eyebrows*. Clearly not mature myself. But yeah, adding mature content to expand my writing skills I guess, and also because it feels more adult in doing so? I dunno, in a weird way I feel like the books I enjoy lately seem to have more mature content, which makes sense because sex is a part of life. And something I've never done is explore physical, sexual attraction through my writing, rather than just general romantic feelings.

Anyway... back to the point of the blog. I know it's August, but I feel like it'd be super fun to do this story for NaNo. That'd mean that I could combat my writer's block by planning each chapter ahead so that things are easier; something that I wouldn't be motivated to do without an incentive. Thoughts? Good idea, bad idea? Would anyone read it? I'm super insecure about my writing all over again, ugh. The only problem with the NaNo idea is that it's only the end of August, and that means no actual writing until November. Buuuut I have been working on a short story (30,000 words approx), so maybe I'll give that a crack in the mean time? I'm not sure about posting that one here though, it's a bit out-there. But yeah, advice from people who have actually written recently?

I miss my friends on here, seriously. It was such an escape to just log in to Mibba and talk to people with the same interests and love for writing. I met some hella cool people here too, and I don't really even know if they're still here. I kinda wanna do a co-write (because less pressure) but like HOW IF YOU DON'T KNOW PEOPLE.

Anyway, I hope everyone's well and dandy. I might go exploring for some stories on here tomorrow. On the story topic though: I think I've completely forgotten how to do story layouts. I used to be semi-decent at it too. Bleh.

Lots of love Mibbians, old and new! Kinda feeling like nobody will read this but if you do please remind me how to do this writing thing? Nobody in my outside life writes so I don't really have anyone to talk to about it.

-colour me perfect. (Ashleigh).