Struggle

I find myself struggling more and more each day.
Struggling to get out of bed, struggling to get INTO bed, struggling to stay awake during the day, struggling to eat, struggling to do a lot of things. Mainly I am struggling not to invade my fiancé's privacy. I feel like he is hiding something from me and I want to go through his phone to find out. But I made a promise to myself, and him, that I wasn't going to go through his phone any more because it just hurts me to do it. (I went through his phone periodically between October and December of 2015 and didn't like what I found out while doing it.)
I just hate that I have this gut feeling that he is hiding something from me. But after what happened during that time I really don't blame myself for feeling like that either honestly. Like last night, and tonight, I have been up for hours longer than I wanted to because my mind won't stop saying "Go look through his phone!" It also doesn't help that instead of being in our kind sized bed, we are laying in a regular twin bed, not even a queen, and I can't get comfortable and he keeps moving and taking more room away from me. I just want the doubt to stop and let things go. I hate struggling with all this and no body knowing. No body really even caring about my struggles, but everyone coming to me with their's.
I just don't know.