I'm Drained.

I'm on vacation right now, technically. But I only have two more days with my in-laws after today, and then on Wednesday at 5am we have to get up to leave for the 14-hour drive back home.

And the following day, normal life starts up again. I work a normal 8-hour shift Thursday, then we have to go to my godparents' place to get my cat.

After that? 10- to 12-hour shifts, six days a week, for about a month.

And I don't like my job anymore. Not since the recent changes they've made. They've implemented a new system that literally doubles our chat volume, so we're on overload literally every moment of every day. There's no reprieve, there's no down time. Breaks are always about an hour late because you've got such a long queue of customers. Even with all the overtime people are working it's just as busy. It's exhausting and I just can't do it anymore. I get to work and half an hour in I already feel overwhelmed to the point of feeling incredibly anxious and not feeling like I can handle the rest of the day.

I just can't keep doing it.

I'm so tired. I shouldn't feel this exhausted and overwhelmed by work when I'm not even there. I'm dreading going back so much.

I'm dreading the job itself. I'm dreading how tired I'll be. I'm dreading how bad the anxiety will get because of how much more stressful and overwhelming the job has gotten in recent weeks. I'm dreading the long days. I'm dreading knowing I won't have any time for myself whatsoever (no time for reading, journaling, writing, or keeping up with my blogging endeavors). I'm dreading knowing that every ounce of energy I have will be sucked up by this job I can't stand anymore. I dread knowing that it still won't be enough, that money will still be short and we'll still be stressed and I'll still feel like I can't handle it.

I'm just so tired. I don't have it left in me. I want so badly to just not have to deal with it anymore. I'd gladly quit my job and give up on my goals and move in with my parents if I could, if it would just make me feel less tired and overwhelmed.

But that would mean my husband giving up on his goals, too, because he'd have to drop out of school.

I just don't know. I'm so tired. I shouldn't feel this way even while on vacation. I shouldn't be this miserable about work all the fucking time. I just want to be able to breathe.

***

I'm working really hard to launch a blogging career and it's going literally nowhere. If anyone is interested in the stuff I have to say, you can follow me on Facebook and/or Twitter where I share all of my poems and blogs. You can also check out my poetry and literature-related writing on WordPress.

More importantly, if anyone is willing to read and share articles I write for Puckermob they can be found here and that's what makes me money. So if you want to share them on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, etc. to get them in front of more eyeballs, that'd be great. I get paid 75 cents currently for every 1,000 page views so I've got a lot of work to do to start making actual money. >.> (Those articles are always shared to the aforementioned Facebook and Twitter pages as well.)

I dunno. Just something to help me out. The only way I can think of other than just sending me some money via PayPal. >.> (I kid. I wouldn't ask y'all to do that.)