I hate being a teenager.
Not in the "Oh, my l1fe sucks && my 'rents are MEAN!!1!" sense, but in the sense that no one will take you seriously.
When you're a teenager, you're automatically looked down upon - the scum of the earth, the next generation of degenerates to ruin the country, another group of attention seeking sullen adolescents.
Who'd take you seriously with those stereotypes floating over your head? Even adults stereotype. You wear black? You're a troubled teenager who shouldn't babysit the impressionable 9 year olds. You wear spikes and a chain? Well, then you obviously worship Satan. Get in the car, kids, and take a good look at that teenager over there. She's swerved off the holy road and you don't want to be like her.
I'm pretty positive that I have Social Anxiety Disorder, a disorder that paralyzes me from hanging out with my friends - but not strangers. I can make a million new friends in an instant if I wanted to, but all of my real friends, the ones I've known for years - I can't even be alone in the same room with them. When I go to a party with just them - the ones who know, understand and love me - I instantly feel like I shouldn't be there. I don't want to be there and that kills me because I know that I love these friends... I just can't stand being in the same room with them.
It's gotten so bad as that I can't even be on the phone with them.
I don't even want to look at my girlfriend, because I know that I'm hurting her by not wanting to be with her. And that's not even the case: I want to want to be with her. But I can't. I've tried to force myself into social situations, thinking that maybe it'd get better if I spent more time with them - that plan backfired.
And I can't ask for help, because it's just teenage fucking angst. My mother will look at me with a 'knowing' look in her eye and tell me to get more sleep or wait to see if this... little problem will go away. I don't have any real problems because it's just the hormones raging through my body.
I would ask for help, too, if I didn't want to be perceived as a whiny teenager looking for a fix of drugs.
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