Okay, so like promised I'm trying to keep ya'll updated on the mess that is my life. While nothing that crazy has occurred, I am in fact going crazy. Since Friday, I have thought/talked/dreamed about Allen (been spelling his name wrong this whole time ::facepalm:) 100000x10^10. It's really bad.
Like this is why I have rules. This is why I don't talk/text/snap/chat/get to know anybody of the opposite sex because I am a girl obsessed. So, after our last texts ending Saturday, I hadn't heard from Allen all day. And while, yeah, we have nothing to talk about and I don't really want to talk to him because I don't really want to know him I did want him to reach out to me in some way/shape/form.
So, I took to my snapchat. Saturday, Sunday, and Monday I did my hair and makeup even though I didn't go anywhere, and posted a bunch of selfies and checked religiously to see if he saw my story waiting, you guys, waiting for something to happen. By Monday, I honestly thought it wasn't going to work. I had posted a photo of me in a bathing suit on my story, I'd posted video clips of like the most 'come have sex with me' songs. Like what else could I do without basically putting in the caption 'Allen, fucking talk to me god damn'
So I posted a selfie Monday morning after I got ready, actually a few selfies. And then I went to meet my friends to do some school work. As I'm sitting there reading from my textbook, I get a snapchat from Allen. It's a message on my photo, and its a bunch of 00 eyes. Idk how to describe this but the iPhone wide eyes emojis.
So I do a little happy dance and also ask my friend wtf those eyes mean because I don't know. She goes it means like 'I see you girl' still dk what that means. So then after about twenty minutes he sends me another snap. This one he says, "You just gonna ignore my snap like you do baby Rico" with three crying emojis (the ones with the tears that are parallel and on a diagonal? (wow I really should never be a personal describer of images for anyone))
So I response and go, "What am I supposed to say to (insert eye emoji)? What does (eye emoji) even mean??"
He goes, "It's me looking at your sexy ass"
Me, "I feel like (heart eye emoji)(heart eye emoji)(heart eye emoji) would've conveyed your message better"
Him, "Or this (thirst/spit/thing emoji)(thirst/spit/thing emoji)(thirst/spit/thing emoji)(thirst/spit/thing emoji)(thirst/spit/thing emoji)"
Him, "Would that convey my message?"
Like fuck me up right here. I just learned about this thing called mirroring (formally I always kinda new about it) in psych and basically you repeat back what someone says to you or their body language and its like a subliminal flirting technique but this just hit me right in the gut. I almost fell out of my seat. IDK why I found this message so hot but I did. #noshame
So then me, grasping at straws, "I really dislike you."
"Like"
"A lot"
Him, "Ooooo stop, you know that turns me on"
LIKE COME ON..
Me, "How"
This was not literal.
But still him, "When you act like you are mad at me"
Me, "You know what change the subject"
Him, "To????? (thinking face emoji)(thinking face emoji)(thinking face emoji)(thinking face emoji)"
Me, "Anything but this preferably"
Him, "Lame"
Me, "You really like the word lame huh"
Him, "Yes ma'am"
Me, "Well I'm not lame so"
Him, "I'm not too sure about that yet"
Me, "There's a yet so clearly you want me to prove it"
him, "Maybe I do"
Me, "I don't think its a maybe you def do"
Him, "Then prove it"
Me, "I haven't decided if I want to"
Me, "Yet"
Him, "What's holding you back?"
(In the voice of the voice over for Jane the Virgin)
At this point Jordan thought of everything she could tell Allen. Should she be honest with him finally? Profess her deepest secret that she was in fact still a virgin and unsure of whether her first time should be with him? Should she say something mostly true instead? That he was the bouncer at her most frequented (only frequented) bar and probably too old for her and definitely too experienced and she had plans and rules?
Jordan could not decide, so instead she stalled.
Me, "That's a complex question"
Him, "Well answer it"
(In the voice of the voice over for Jane the Virgin)
Again, Jordan thought. Thought extensively of what her response should be. Honesty? Evasion? Silence?
Him, "I'm waiting"
Me, "Well"
Me, "You see"
Me, "I'm working on it"
Me, "On figuring that out"
Him, "What's there to work on?"
Me, "Good question"
Him, "Let me know when you figure it out"
(In the voice of the voice over for Jane the Virgin)
And like that, Jordan knew she had made the wrong decision.
If this conversation wasn't a telenovela I don't know what is.
I've been binge watching Jane the Virgin and how could I not you know?
Anyway. Since Monday there's been no contact. And yes, I realize that it's Tuesday. But still. I feel like our convo went from fun to serious in a minute and I don't know what I want from him, if anything, and what to tell him, if anything, and I might be going to the Brixton on Thursday. I'm not really nervous to see him but I feel like if I see him something's going to happen or he's going to press me to decide.
Mybiggest issue right now is the planning. I don't plan to hook up with people and I definitely can't plan to sleep with them. It gives me too much time to think it over, freak myself out, talk myself out of it, consider all the ways it can go terribly terribly wrong.
Additionally, this guy at my job back home has been snapping me well ever since he got my snapchat which was right before I left for school. He's super nice and I was really glad to have him as friend. A little backstory, I work as an EMT at a stadium (Metlife) in Jersey, and basically do concerts/football games/etc and he does too. So we've talked a lot this summer in our shifts together and I thought cool a new friend, I don't have many (any) guy friends.
So I snapped him tonight and was like "YAY BEYONCE CONCERT IS POSTPONED WHICH MEANS I CAN GO YES YES YES" Beyonce was scheduled to perform tomorrow and I wasn't going to be able to travel back from dc with class and stuff to work her concert. And working the concerts is basically seeing the concerts for free. So. I was pretty bummed.
He snapped me back with a glum face and goes, "I know now I have to work the event" And I snapped him and was like, "WHY ARE YOU SAD ITS BEYONCE I REPEAT BEYONCE BE HAPPY" And he snapped me and said, "I'll be happy so long as I'm in your medical unit (winking tongue face type thing emoji)"
You guys.
I literally fell out.
Why
Why
Why
This is too much for me. They say that when a women is ovulating she gives off pheromones to attract men because the whole purpose of life is to procreate and all that dumb shit. I must be PERPETUALLY ovulating this month. Like. The thirst. I hate snap chat. I need to delete snap chat. It is causing me so much angst.
I didn't even know what to say cause he's my friend and I like our friendship and and and come onnnnn. So then he snaps me and goes, "I don't think its really the beyonce concert so much as my 3.5 hr 8am class I have that day" like awks he tried to assuage the whole thing.
So then I snapped him and was like, "be careful what you wish for I ALWAYS end up in a room with McGuinness and/or Finkel (a doc and nurse who are super annoying) and that's way worse than an 8am class" and then everything chilled out. But still. Like why. I need a simpler life. I've only been in DC for two weeks. Your girl is stress vomiting (no seriously this morning at 5am I woke up feeling hot and went to get water but then got dizzy and laid on the couch and then I suddenly was vomiting everywhere it was great and by great I mean the worst way to start a day in the history of starting days).
Okay, I've basically told you my whole life now.
Actually. I work at my school's gym so I constantly see cute guys. I've been working there for, this is my third semester, so almost three semesters. And this guy today was new to the gym and he wanted a towel and its a $1 so he was really struggling trying to find a dollar and we had a really like funny/awkward/cute time while he attempted to find a dollar and when he returned the towel we had another funny/awkward/cute time. And I also snatched his name off his ID when he gave it to me to scan (Nicholas) and I hope to see him again. And then this other guy who I didn't get the name of was flirty and I think that may be a thing. So like I said: OVULATION. PHEROMONES. CUPID'S BOW. THE WATER. Something is happening.
There, now you know all about my life since Friday.
OMG SIDE NOTE THE WIFI WENT OUT AND I ALMOST LOST THIS WHOLE THING AND I ALMOST THREW UP WHY IS LIFE TESTING ME
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