Sometimes...

Sometimes I feel incredibly disconnected. From everyone. From everything. It feels like I am sealed away inside myself and I can't bring myself to give half a fuck about other people or their feelings.

I don't mean to do it. To clam up and shut down. Really I don't. In fact, at times, my ability to turn off my empathy and compassion terrifies me. I mean truly and honestly scares me half to death. What does it say about me that I can hear about a family members death and not cry, not respond, just accept the information with no change in my emotions at all? Sometimes it makes me sure that I'm insane. What kind of person just doesn't care? Of course it isn't like that all the time. My grandfather died two, almost three, years ago and I still sit and cry for hours sometimes.

My friends seem to think that I am very strong. That nothing ever hurts me because of my ability to turn the hurt off. But almost no one realizes anymore that some days I am so unbearably depressed that the only way for to function is to flip that switch in my brain that makes me no longer care.

Does it make me a bad person? Does it mean that something in my head is broken? Does it mean that I'm crazy? I don't understand it...