Wrong.

No one sees. No one knows. They don't understand anyways.

'Whats wrong?' they ask, but I can't tell them because it's everything and nothing at the same time. So I tell them it's nothing, that I'm fine, and they swallow the lie. It's scary how good I've gotten at faking it. No one sees. No one knows.

I feel... wrong. Not all the time. Sometimes I really am fine, happy and satisfied with myself and my life. Sometimes I'm good for days, weeks, sometimes even months. But then I wake up one morning and everything is wrong. Everything is too much and I just want to curl up in the darkness alone and cry.

When someone does notice, they expect some huge, important reason why. 'There must be something,' they tell me. But everything is wrong and they don't understand. Something had to have happened to justify my feelings. Someone hurt me or someone left my life or something. But everything is wrong and they don't understand.

They don't understand that there isn't a reason, there never is. It just is. I just feel wrong and lonely and sad and useless and worthless and wrong. I feel broken. But since I can't give them a reason, I have to be faking it to get out of something. To get out of work or some other obligation or just so I can 'be lazy.' And it makes me angry. And it hurts. And the anger and the hurt pile onto the storm of emotions that scream through my head.

And they still don't understand.
October 5th, 2016 at 07:24pm