YO HEY I'M ALIVE OR WHATEVAH (any and all bretman rock fans plz proceed to my page so we can fangirl over him together)
So it's been a few weeks and a lot has happened and I kept telling myself I'd blog to you guys about it but well, I got v lazy and okay, yeah, I've always been lazy. I didn't just suddenly get lazy. Let me figure out where I should begin...
Probably I'll address Allen first, because that's where I left off last time. We are no longer talking and I haven't seen him in a few weeks. The last time I saw him was a saturday night, and he acted like a supremo dick to me. That's actually an exaggeration. He didn't really do anything. And that's the problem. Like he didn't even really talk to me short of saying Hey. I just decided I didn't need that in my life because I wasn't really interested to begin with I just enjoyed having him interested? Like I wasn't going to put in the work of making him want me.
Anyway, the way I see it I dodged a bullet there.
So post-Allen, I decided to make a tinder. That was fun for all of two seconds. I planned to hook up with someone through the app. He's a senior at my school and on the night I was going to go to his apartment (last weekend), I ended up going out with my friend Lexi. I was going to get some drinks and then go to his place but I met a guy while I was out and hooked up with him for a bit. Nothing all that great or all that much, just some making out. It was okay.
Afterwards, though, I felt pretty weird. I just got to thinking that maybe I really don't like hooking up with people. I don't think I enjoy it the way I should (because I don't enjoy it) I don't hate it but I'm not like wow this is so good don't stop. And I don't know why that is. My friends say it's because I'm hooking up with people I don't like. But I can't test that theory because, by rule, I don't hook up with guys I like. I purposely go for douche bags.
Which brings me to my next point. Cuffing season is here and I'm not immune to its powers. I keep thinking how nice it'd be to date someone. I don't really want to date someone but I don't really not want to either, you know? I know why I wouldn't to do it. A) because its complicated B) because I'm guarded and I don't want to get close to someone that way C) because if I date someone sex comes onto the table and I like sex where it is right now, at the back of the closet in a shoebox
Like I realized that if I only hook up with random guys and only hook up with them once I don't ever have to worry about feeling obligated to sleep with them. I know that I'm not obligated to sleep with anyone. But I am worried that if I date someone I'll feel the pressure to sleep with them since sex is apart of the relationship and that I'll want to sleep with them. Mostly because I don't want to have sex with someone and for it to be a huge deal and have to deal with those emotional attachments.
Basically I'm a hot fucking mess and I need to get my shit together before I date anyone.
The universe is playing games with me though. Let me tell you how and we can all have a good laugh....
When I joined tinder, I came across this boy Graciano who I saw at my job (the school's gym) all last year and who I actively flirted with but to no prevail. I assumed he wasn't interested or seeing someone. My friend decides to swipe on him and we match. This was like two weeks ago. Sunday night I decide to look at tinder. I haven't been on it for a bit and I was curious. I swiped maybe four photos when Graciano's face came up. When we matched before he never messaged me and yeah okay I could've messaged him but like come on.
So his face comes up and I go and check and we're no longer matched. So I'm like weird..... My friend convinces me to swipe again for him. So I do and we match again. This time he messages me. We talk for all of maybe fifteen minutes and he asks me out to dinner. And my dumb ass says yes. So I technically have a dinner date tomorrow (wednesday). This is my first date. I've literally never done anything with a guy that's one-on-one other than hook up with them. I don't know what I was thinking. Because by rule I don't date, and I definitely don't date GW students. Like my rules are no hooking up with GW students or co-workers. Those are good rules. Solid.
So that happened and is happening. But also, I saved the best for last, this is happening.
There is this kid. A co-worker. We work together every thursday. For the first couple thursdays of the semester, I didn't think anything of him. When I first saw him I thought he was cute. He introduced himself (Abdullah) and told me he was a freshman. My thinking was cute for a freshman, but still a freshman and I put it to the back of my mind.
The first couple of weeks we talked minimally and I thought he was nice. Two weeks ago, he came out of his shell. We spent two hours going back and forth. Like he held his own against me. We were bickering and doing that kind of flirty mean thing you do in like eighth grade. I didn't think anything of it but it kind of stuck in my head the rest of the week. When I saw him last thursday, we picked up right where we left off going back and forth, arguing and talking and getting to know each other.
So that's sort of when I knew there was a problem. I was like you really shouldn't enjoy talking to this kid this much. Like emphasis on the kid Jordan. But you know, the universe you guys. It really wasn't playing. So my dumb ass goes at the end of our shift, "You should follow me on instagram" and he goes "Okay" and I'm like "You should write this down" and he's like "I'll remember just tell me" so I tell him my instagram and inevitably we discuss why I chose the username.
So then I'm like, "You can add me on snap too I guess since its the same just without a period" and then I'm like "Actually probably don't add me on snap" and he laughs and goes, "Oh you're one of those girls??" And I'm like "Excuse mee?" and he's like "90 second long snap stories" and I was like "No, they're not 90 seconds. They're just inappropriate as hell."
I feel like I need to give you some background info on this kid. So he's Pakistani and muslim. I don't know much about the religion but he observes? halal or only eats halal. Idk how to word that and I'm sorry if I offend. But I think this means he's pretty strict? I'm only mentioning this because my friend Tural who I talked to about him who is also muslim told me that he's probably not a hook up kind of guy but more relationship-oriented. And probably won't have sex. NOT THAT THESE ARE CONCERNS.
I think he's a nice kid. I want to describe him to you guys but I feel weird like a hardcore cradle robber and you know what fuck it. He's got a beard, like its a nice length, not very long but good and even. And yeah you know what this is weird. Changed my mind.
Anyway. So he adds me on insta and snap and we start snap chatting friday. And we have been snap chatting every day. All day. We are already each other's best friends and have a streak. It is Tuesday evening everyone. What the actual hell.
I know I should stop. But I actually don't want to. Like dare I freaking say it I have a crush on this kid. And really, I'm not concerned about being older than him. He seems mature and tbh my experience level is probably on par with his. Who knows he could be more experienced than me. But he is a GW student and a co-worker and he's a nice boy. I'm not trying to break some kids heart you know.
In any event, I will let you all know how thursday goes with him and how my date goes if I actually end up going it. (I only agreed in hopes of getting over the kid) I like referring to him as a kid even though I don't see him as one. Not really anyway. I call him kid in a snap and he got so offended it was great. lol.
This blog was really a mess. Sorry for that.
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