I realise this is such a teeny tiny thing to be complaining about given a) the recent American election results and how upset people are over that and b) that others have it much, much worse, but I sorta just need to say this somewhere. I don't feel comfortable hearing it come out of my own mouth. This seems less personal in a way.
I've just been on, and have come off of as of Sunday night, a medication for anxiety and depression called Mirtazapine (Remeron, Axit, etc.). Now, I've no idea if it actually worked any because the entire 3 weeks I was on it (not a long time but long enough), I was too worried about my weight to enjoy absolutely anything in life. Like, it was just constantly on my mind. And it still is.
I was on it for only about 2 weeks before I literally could not fit into any of my pants without being really uncomfortable. Right now, I've had to use a new pair of pants I bought for interviews to wear to work because they're a little bigger and it's all I fit into.
I'm so down over this. Like, so down. I've been around the same weight give or take a few kilograms since I was about 19 years old. I'm 25. This is such an unwelcome change purely for the fact that it is a change and with my anxiety already, I don't deal with change too well.
I'm still in a healthy weight range if BMI is anything to go by. My BMI is 21, which is about middle of average, which is okay. But I have like zero muscle because I've never been one for exercise and a flabby, bloated tummy which isn't ideal. Like, I don't feel healthy, and didn't even before I gained this recent 5 or so kgs.
For reference, I'm 172cm and 65kgs, or 5.6ft and 143 pounds. I look healthy but it's a total sham.
This drug is now out of my system and I'm taking Fluoxetine instead, which is an SSRI, a class of meds I've taken before but the one I was on before gave me gastrointestinal issues (read: I couldn't poop). Hopefully this one is the one. I'm starting to feel it, I think. Today I got up before 10am, fucking exercised for like 20 minutes until my legs were jelly which I don't think I've done ever in my life, made my parrot's breakfast for the next 2 months, and proceeded to clean out and re-organise the pantry and the fridge. Like, what the actual hell?
Is this what motivation looks like? If so, hook me up!
I'm hoping I can shed these few extra kilos sooner rather than later. I have a feeling that just because I gained them in a few weeks doesn't mean I'll get rid of them in the same amount of time.
It's to the point now where I'm feeling really guilty about being hungry. Like, am I supposed to be hungry? What can I eat that won't make me gain more weight? And when is enough enough?
I know a part of it is just me craving sugar. I'm a candy addict. I just love the stuff. I'm vegetarian which means I can't eat a lot of the lollies I used to eat and I have to spend ages trying to find things I can eat. It's fucking hard, man. I just want some wine gums or snakes.
I feel guilty eating practically anything right now because I'm worried it'll mean I won't slim down quickly. But at the same time I know I can't starve myself and shouldn't be so vain.
And so I'm asking, finally, if any of you have had to lose weight before or just practice a healthy lifestyle, what were some little tips and tricks you picked up along the way?
Is there anything safe and healthy to eat that isn't just plain fruit and vegetables?
How the hell do you train your legs not to be jelly on a cross-trainer? If I go easy and do say 3 20-minute sessions a week, making sure I can feel my heartbeat in my ears and sweat on my back, is that actually doing anything for me at all? Is this how one starts out? Is it really better than doing nothing at all?
Healthy snacks? Currently, I've been trying to eat dried fruit in place of lollies, because it has the sugar hit I'm after but at the same time, it's fruit - I feel less shit about eating it. Sultanas, dried paw paw and apricot delights are my go-tos for dried fruit. The latter 2 both have added sugar though, not sure about the sultanas. I should probably also get some nuts, though I don't really like them unsalted and peanuts, my favourite, are the least healthy. Almonds are disgusting on their own like that (don't tell my parrot I said that :P ).
And yogurt. I just realised I've been spelling yogurt wrong my entire life. I buy the single serves on special and freeze them to eat in the place of ice cream - it takes longer to eat because it freezes more solid so I feel like I get more out of it than a bowl of ice cream gone in a couple minutes. And again, it feels healthy to eat. Good bacteria, and all.
I think I'll also start having no sugar in my tea from now on until this weight has lifted (I drink so much tea it's frightening).
I'm not really interested in any sort of quick fixes, fads, etc. Like skinny teas. Or detox teas. I just... don't see the benefit in sitting on the loo all week and not eating anything at all besides drinking tea. I need to eat. I look forward to it. I'm sort of half willing to do things the hard, honest way. I mean, I say now, "Right! I'm 100% devoted to losing this weight and being a healthier person!" but I know I can and often do change my mind about it less than a week later. I remember looking up healthy smoothie recipes once upon a time. Love the occasional banana smoothie, but I just can't see myself drinking my breakfast. When I'm awake for breakfast, I always want to physically eat something.
I think that's all I have to say. Long story short: I feel like shit about my weight, please help me lose it.