Wow, Hey, Welcome to This Messy Little (Story) Update of a Blog

I started to write this blog earlier but I was like no one's gonna' really care but to fuel my procrastinating woes I decided to write the blog anyway.

So I'm sitting here writing an update for Him & Him, I've been writing this update all week actually, and last night I was really getting places when I knew I had to go to sleep since I had to be up early. But once I laid down, all these words were swimming around my head so I started narrating the rest of this scene and it was actually going really well.

I don't know why but I think stories better than I actually write them. Like they sound better in my head and then when I put them on paper things get lost. I guess because despite how fast I can type (I was writing this chapter in Starbucks a few nights ago and this man was like wow you type fast! lol) I can't type as fast as I think the stories.

So there I am in bed, anyway, and I'm thinking all these amazing things and I know I should get up and write it down. But it's past 2am, and I'm not tired but I should go to sleep so I keep thinking these amazing things and I tell myself oh I'll remember this, word for word, and write it tomorrow.

Hey, guys, spoiler, guess what, I didn't remember JACK SHIT.

And I ALWAYS do this. I literally ALWAYS do this. Like I wish I could do that thing Dumbledore does with his wand and pulls the memory out but with my words. Life would be so much easier.

That's part one to my plight. Part two is this. This scene I'm writing is pretty hot and heavy. And I really don't know why but I insist on googling the shit of kissing scenes and reading how to's and stuff. EVEN THOUGH I'VE KISSED PEOPLE GUYS. But I am so fascinated by these like webpages. They're like How to Write that Steamy Scene and I just lol my way through it.

I guess it's kind of procrastination? But I do this every. single. time. I. write. any. sexy. scene. I've looked at the same pages like 50 times already. I just reread them, the do's and don'ts. I even have a list of my favorite words to use for these kinds of scenes. And I only do this kind of like research for these kinds of scenes. Like yeah, if I'm writing outside my comfort zone abut like sword fighting I'll do some background work. But it's kissing. And I insist on looking at like word lists, and stuff. It's my crutch.

Also smut-101.tumblr.com is my favorite. It's like extremely NSFW, but they have like gif hunts and they're M/M section really is super helpful to get me in the mindset. TBH kissing gifs just set me off. I put too much stock in these scenes. Like everything leading up to this scene has been fairly easy to get on paper but this scene I'm just staring at paper. Have been all day. No progress was made. I'm about to go on tinder and find someone to come and kiss me just to inspire me.

I would say that this is a viable option but its not.

Am I the only person who does stupid stuff like this? Also playlists. PLAYLISTS ARE SO IMPORTANT FOR THESE KINDS OF SCENES. I can spend a whole day trying to find the right playlist to write these kinds of scenes. Particularly because I like indie/altern/dance and its hard to find like sexy songs that aren't R&B.

This was such a weird blog, wow.

This is also me refraining from talking about current events.

How did I do?

Well, I tried?